TGIF: The witness to your life

I’ve just finished reading Say You’ll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez last week during my travel to Yunnan. The whole concept of the book hits close to home, and I read it with a quiet sense of melancholy.

In the book, and I quote: That there is nothing more beautiful than being a witness to someone’s life. To know them inside and out and be with them through everything, share the same memories. A shared collection of experiences, like a snowball rolling downhill, getting bigger as it goes.

When we say we want someone to share our lives with, what do we really mean? Nothing has ever articulated it so accurately until I read those lines. I almost cried. Because it’s true: all we need is a witness to our lives. Someone who knows the big, the small, and everything in between.

That scar you have, no one else knows why or how it happened except your person. He knows exactly how it happened because he was there. He knows how long it took to heal because he was living parallel to your life.

I often think about all the milestones I’ll need to recap once I finally meet The One, because he’s missed so much: my first job, my promotions, the day I got my driver’s license, all the travels I took without him, the friends I made, the little stories tucked between moments. All my wins and all my failures he wasn’t a part of — and being 28, I have many.

I think the Universe is trying to remind me of this again and again. Recently, I came across a TikTok video on this exact topic, asking, “Why do people get married?” The answer was the same: because we need a witness to our lives. In marriage, we promise to care about everything — the good, the bad, the big, the small, and the mundane. Even the most trivial things. All of it, all the time, every day. Your life will not go unnoticed, because your person will notice it.

If you already have that someone, please know you have one of life’s greatest blessings — a gift not everyone gets to have. I have no idea if this gift is in store for me, but I do hope that for you, it is.
It’s a special thing to have a best friend for life, a safe place to come home to, and a vault for all your deepest secrets.

#TGIF: Favourite movies of all time

I am not a movie junkie, and I am not the kind to watch new movies at the cinemas. I'm also not the type to rewatch movies, unless I really like them. I am not critical with movies either, don't understand the technicalities of what makes a movie good - cinematography, lighting, all that jazz. But I do know how a movie can make me feel. I have many movies through out the years that I will happily revisit and rewatch. These I would say, are my top movies of all time (in no particular order).

1. Love, Rosie - My heart was broken, shattered to pieces and finally glued back together. All within the 100 minutes of the movie. Also, Sam Claflin?!

2. Little Women (2019) - That one monologue!!! Tattooed on my brain forever.

3. Mamma Mia - The first one, always!!! What I would do to watch it for the first time again.

4. My Sister’s Keeper - I was traumatized the first time I watched it. Sisterly bond is my weakness.

5. The Holidays - Yes, another Cameron Diaz movie. The whole plot of this movie is also very very unique. Not your typical holiday movie. The side plot is also very heartwarming.

6. How to be Single - Relatable and funny. An easy movie to watch, very enjoyable. Yearly rewatch material.

7. We are Family - Please please please go watch this movie if you need a good cry. I never not cry when I watch this. The first time I watched it, I was inconsolable and the sadness stayed with me for a few days after. Have this in your next watchlist and watch it alone for elite experience.

8. When in Rome - This movie, I have not seen in years, but you know how I can confidently put it on this list? Is the fact that I still think of it to this day.

9. Ayat-ayat Cinta - C'mon, one Indo movie has to be on here. Can't count the amount of times I rewatched this too. The nikah scene alone is 10/10. And let's pretend the second movie never existed.

10. Laila Isabella - I have to throw one classic, OG, that GURL on here. Everyone's performances in here were chef's kiss!! I wish we have this on streaming.

If you don't know what to watch on your free time or while you're eating, you're welcome. I just gave you ten options.

#TGIF: Through Their Eyes

 

The little hands tapping on the window,
eyes wide, full of wonder,
shrieks and gasps saying—
“Look at those! So beautiful!”

It’s the same view I see every day,

every commute to my 9–5.

I’ve long lost appreciation for it,

but to them, it’s all new.

I understand it now—

the role of a child:

to teach us to slow down and appreciate

the world once again,

to see through innocent eyes,

to find beauty in the everyday,

the kind that dulls over time.

I stand right behind,

smiling to myself, whispering thank-yous,

for showing me that life can be

ever exciting, ever thrilling, ever exhilarating—

even in the mundane,

if only I choose to see it that way.

- AZ

#TGIF: The thing that lingers

“He had a baby today”

“Damn. I would love to read your journal entry about this. Like I want to skinny dip right into your thoughts right now."

It was not a joke though I was trying to lighten the mood, knowing how this news may be hitting her like a truck. 

“There wouldn’t be enough papers for it. To describe how the world stopped for me this morning. I feel like crashing out, but at the same time like, ‘what am I doing’”

“It would literally be like that for me too.”

“I remember exactly where I was when I found out he got a gf, when he got engaged, when he got married, now had a baby.”

“Must’ve felt like little earthquakes each time.”

“Belum habis process the milestones then BAM! — a meteor”

“I get it, he’s 10 milestones ahead and it feels unfair that you are still at the restaurant” 

That’s a Taylor Swift reference, incase you don’t know. 

“Hard to admit but mentally I am still there. I don’t talk about it anymore, I thought I was past it. It’s fading but not fast enough.”

That’s the thing about unrequited love. It’s an open wound, gushing out blood at first but you ignore them, because time heals, right? It became an ugly, untreated scab and one trigger makes it bleeding again. You thought you were past it, dealt with it, moved on from it. But the truth is, it’s still there. Ignored, untreated, unaddressed. It sucks even more when it seems like you’re the only one experiencing it while the other person moved on, unaffected. You’re left feeling betrayed, angry or bitter. Or worse—all of them at once. 

Many had gone through similar experiences, myself included. The end of an almost-lover hurts more than an actual relationship because you’re haunted by the what-ifs and the could’ve beens. Often, it stays with you for years. You started dissecting conversations thinking “Did I read that wrongly?” “Did I imagined everything?” “Was all of that not real?”. Replaying every shared memories in your head wondering if it was one sided after all. 

It’s the endless questions you have, doing laps around the corner of your brain where the thought of him seems to have a permanent residence, knowing well you will never get the answers to. Some lucky enough to get closure, but many never did, silently grieving someone who no longer belongs — and maybe never truly did.