#TGIF: My travel to Yunnan, part II

As I've promised, I will continue the post from last week, about my travel to Yunnan. It's been nearly a month since, how time flies! I stopped at Lijiang, that means our next destination would be Shangri-La. I've got to be honest, the next 2 cities were not my favourite. Don't get me wrong, Shangri-La is a nice city, has its own charm but it was too cold for me, personally. I could not enjoy the nights, and because we were there near winter, it gets dark and cold really fast. 

We arrived in Shangri-La and got checked-in nearly 4pm. As per usual we rest a little before roaming around the ancient city. As soon as we step foot into the quaint ancient city, I was already in love. It was different from Lijiang, but just as charming. We spent hours in their China Post, sending postcards to our future selves, family and friends. It was an experience, and a lovely memory. This was also the start of our obsession with Luckin Coffee, lol. We bought them everyday after that.

Because Shangri-La is a bit higher up on altitude, the hotel concierge advised us not to take a shower that night, as we might get altitude sickness if we do. But lo and behold, one of us actually got sick that first night. After dinner we continue to stroll around and did our stampings, it was cold. Once we got back to our hotel room, she threw herself onto the floor and started throwing up too. At that point we knew that she might have AMS. Once again the staff at the hotel told us to bring her to the hospital as throwing up was a sign that it has gotten bad. 

We spent about 2 hours there -- through registration, consultation and treatment. My friend, Hidayah had to get oxygen for an hour to recover the AMS symptoms. The healthcare was efficient and very cheap. But we also took insurance, thankfully. We got back to the hotel by midnight. 

The next day, we started slow, wanted to have a chill morning due to what happened the previous night. Ensuring everyone had a good rest before starting the day. We sent more postcards and then took Didi to Napahai Lake. It was cloudy most of the day, the sky did not clear so that one was a bummer, regardless the place was beautiful but terribly freezing cold. I keep on checking the temperature because of how cold I felt! It was a chill place to take nice pictures but other than that, nothing much.

After 2 nights in Shangri-La, we moved to our next and final city, which was Kunming. We went back down to where we came from, and it made it easier for us to fly back home too as we depart from Kunming Airport. We spent 3 nights in Kunming and honestly this might be my "biggest" regret. Kunming was just like any cities. Buildings, malls, not so much of things to see. You surely do not need 3 nights to explore the city. You may even skip Kunming altogether. Regardless we tried to fill in our days as best we can. Lucky we found touristy things to do anyways, so it's all good. 

That first night in, we arrived from Shangri-La quite late because the train ride from Shangri-La to Kunming took us 6 hours. By the time we checked-in, it was already dinner time. On the weather, I thought Kunming would be the least cold, but actually it was not. It was still considerably cold, but a huge relief coming from Shangri-La, hahaha. I was grateful it was not as freezing! We ate halal BBQ that night and because our hotel was right above a shopping mall, it was where we spent most of our nights. 

Summarizing our days in Kunming, we managed to try a lot of halal street food, you can find plenty along Shuncheng and Nancheng street. The streets are walkable and easy to navigate too. We also had the chance to visit the mosques and prayed there. It was such a wonderful experience being able to be among a Muslim community that are far from home. Somehow you feel belonged anyways.

One of the days we went to Yunnan Ethnic Village, we spent the whole day there exploring the place. The place was actually perfect if you are into cultural and learning about the history of different ethnics in Yunnan. It has replicas of houses, and community spaces alike. It was really interesting to explore! It is a family-friendly place but you can get tired walking around. There were buggy service available so if you plan to go with little kids or elders, I would suggest to use that. We walked all the way and I think we spend about 5 hours inside. You can't find halal restaurants inside so do bring RTE food or cup noodles to get you through the visit!

After that, we walked a bit around Dianchi Park, watched seagulls over the water. Then, we took Didi to Shuncheng street and had the best halal chap fan! The closest to Malaysian food, that was what really got us. So good that we had to come back again the next day before we leave for the airport, haha.

Overall, Yunnan is a great city to visit. I was homesick halfway through but it was because I have never been away and apart for that long. Now in hindsight, I definitely would consider revisiting Yunnan. The people are nice though they don't understand an ounce of English, the ancient towns, the mountains. I miss it all already. I am deeply grateful to be able to do this, and the things I was blessed to see. It was humbling, really.

I grew up never having the chance to leave Malaysia, I can't fathom different climate or cold weather, let alone seeing snow! But now that I do, I can't really articulate how thankful I feel and honestly, how small I feel, too. There's so much greatness out there that I haven't seen and I pray that I could, one city at a time. Thank you for sticking through this whole post and the ones before this. If you're still here, thank you. I only have 2 more Fridays to go. Part of me can't wait to take a break, and restart fresh next year but another part of me is eager to plan next year's contents. 

I have more Yunnan posts on my TikTok & Instagram. Just search Attelya and you'll find me. You can also leave NGL questions, feedback, or anything at all. Feel free to interact! Till next Friday ;)

#TGIF: My travel to Yunnan, part I

Ok yes, I am not on time this round. I missed out to post right at 8pm, in fact, I am writing this in real-time. It's 8.40pm, Friday 5th December and I just got home from work about an hour ago. I meant to write about my Yunnan trip but you guys...the thought of writing a very long post just exhaust me. I drafted something on my phone but it was non-coherent, just bits and pieces here and there. I don't know whether to make it informative or day to day breakdown or a reflection. In short, I was overwhelmed.

Hence why I procrastinated it until today, and I've decided, this post is going to be everything -- a bit informative, a bit of travelog and a bit of my reflection from the trip. You have to bear with me if it's end up going to be long. Here goes nothing.

This trip was planned so early, we (my three colleagues and I) booked the tickets kind of on a whim, back in May or June. We paid a hefty amount for the tickets, so please don't do that and wait for better timing to buy them. Compare prices with people who have gone, get know how low it can go. We decided to go right after 11.11 Sale, the best possible date was 14 - 25 November. We only started really planning for the trip in late September to October -- figuring out the itinerary, booking packages and allocating how many days do we want to stay at each city. 

On the day we leave, we were all working full day, still. It was a Friday and our flight was at 10pm, so might as well work the day normally. We took red-eye flight, which was not the best decision at the time because as we landed, it was 2am and nothing opens, we could not check in because our first hotel was in Dali and we landed in Kunming, our train to Dali was not until 7am. So we ended up hanging out at the airport, tired, hungry, sleepy and exhausted. We were also irritated with the amount of times we had to reject taxi drivers for offering rides repeatedly.

When it was time to go, we freshen up and took Didi (e-hailing in China, just like Grab) to Kunming train station. As soon as we sat on the train, we all crashed. Within minutes all of us fell dead asleep, only woke up like 15 minutes before arriving in Dali. It was a goooooood nap to say the least. We needed it. Arrived in Dali, we took another Didi to our hotel. It was a cute guest house overlooking Erhai Lake that I immediately fell in love with. The whole area was so quaint and lovely. It truly made me feel like I was in a K-drama -- it was the kind of picturesque view that you only see on TV. 

In Dali, because we only stayed for one night, we didn't get to do much except for exploring Erhai Lake, both around our hotel and a park at the other side of the lake that took us one hour drive to get to. Even though the stay at Dali was short, but I think it was what we needed -- a slow paced, quite city -- perfect as the first city we visit. 

Next city was Lijiang. If anyone visits Yunnan, Lijiang will be the main agenda. Both main attractions for Yunnan are here in Lijiang. So like everybody else, we did the same. First day in Lijiang was spent strolling around the ancient city. Every cities has their own ancient city that you must visit. They are all very quaint and unique in their own way. Lijiang's ancient city is very busy. Packed with people every night. Because our hotel in Lijiang was right in the middle of the ancient city, we naturally go out strolling around every night we were there, eating ice cream in 10°C. Immaculate vibes all around. I loved Lijiang. 

The next day was our trip up to Jade Dragon Snow Mountain (JDSM), Blue Moon Valley and we also watched Lijiang Impression Show. All these were in the same park area. This is the only thing we took a package for, all other things we did DIY. People would ask me how did we communicate with the locals -- it was fully via google translate guys. We could not speak an ounce of Mandarin, they can't speak or understand any English, so google translate was all we relied on. They also knew that they have to translate to English so often they were ready with their own translate app. We were among the first trip to go up the JDSM that day, it was only around 7.30AM when we got up there, the view was insanely breathtaking but I could not for the life of me stand how cold it was up there. The temperature was -5°C, the coldest my human body has ever experienced, but thankfully all of us felt okay going up that high. around 3000+m above sea level.

Blue Moon Valley was nothing too special, the valley itself was a-okay only but because it was also overlooking the snow mountain, the pictures you take have insane backdrop. Then Lijiang Impression Show was nice. The view that you get, overlooking the snow mountain was the main event itself. It was like a feast to the eyes. I cannot repeat this enough but it was gorgeous. The show was obviously in full Mandarin, I don't understand half of it, except for parts that translation were provided. Essentially it tells about the origin story of the ethnic groups of Lijiang. It was interesting. 

The next day we went to Tiger Leaping Gorge, fully DIY. This trip took a whole day too, only because the trip to TLG took 2 hours by bus, one way. So two hours going there and two more hours back to Lijiang. Truthfully, the place was not super fascinating. Maybe I was not into it as much, it it's water. However, I must say, the view along the journey was what made it worth it. Stunning all the way. 

Phew, this post has taken way too long to write and I am only halfway through, you guys! I will be stopping here for now, I will continue Shangri-La and Kunming in my next post, next week. I am sorry for not completing everything today but I think you'll get fatigue reading too long of a post anyway. 

Can you believe I only have 3 more Fridays to go?! Time flew! Please tell me whether or not I should continue #TGIF series next year? If yes, what else would you like to read about? See you next Friday :)

TGIF: The witness to your life

I’ve just finished reading Say You’ll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez last week during my travel to Yunnan. The whole concept of the book hits close to home, and I read it with a quiet sense of melancholy.

In the book, and I quote: That there is nothing more beautiful than being a witness to someone’s life. To know them inside and out and be with them through everything, share the same memories. A shared collection of experiences, like a snowball rolling downhill, getting bigger as it goes.

When we say we want someone to share our lives with, what do we really mean? Nothing has ever articulated it so accurately until I read those lines. I almost cried. Because it’s true: all we need is a witness to our lives. Someone who knows the big, the small, and everything in between.

That scar you have, no one else knows why or how it happened except your person. He knows exactly how it happened because he was there. He knows how long it took to heal because he was living parallel to your life.

I often think about all the milestones I’ll need to recap once I finally meet The One, because he’s missed so much: my first job, my promotions, the day I got my driver’s license, all the travels I took without him, the friends I made, the little stories tucked between moments. All my wins and all my failures he wasn’t a part of — and being 28, I have many.

I think the Universe is trying to remind me of this again and again. Recently, I came across a TikTok video on this exact topic, asking, “Why do people get married?” The answer was the same: because we need a witness to our lives. In marriage, we promise to care about everything — the good, the bad, the big, the small, and the mundane. Even the most trivial things. All of it, all the time, every day. Your life will not go unnoticed, because your person will notice it.

If you already have that someone, please know you have one of life’s greatest blessings — a gift not everyone gets to have. I have no idea if this gift is in store for me, but I do hope that for you, it is.
It’s a special thing to have a best friend for life, a safe place to come home to, and a vault for all your deepest secrets.

#TGIF: Favourite movies of all time

I am not a movie junkie, and I am not the kind to watch new movies at the cinemas. I'm also not the type to rewatch movies, unless I really like them. I am not critical with movies either, don't understand the technicalities of what makes a movie good - cinematography, lighting, all that jazz. But I do know how a movie can make me feel. I have many movies through out the years that I will happily revisit and rewatch. These I would say, are my top movies of all time (in no particular order).

1. Love, Rosie - My heart was broken, shattered to pieces and finally glued back together. All within the 100 minutes of the movie. Also, Sam Claflin?!

2. Little Women (2019) - That one monologue!!! Tattooed on my brain forever.

3. Mamma Mia - The first one, always!!! What I would do to watch it for the first time again.

4. My Sister’s Keeper - I was traumatized the first time I watched it. Sisterly bond is my weakness.

5. The Holidays - Yes, another Cameron Diaz movie. The whole plot of this movie is also very very unique. Not your typical holiday movie. The side plot is also very heartwarming.

6. How to be Single - Relatable and funny. An easy movie to watch, very enjoyable. Yearly rewatch material.

7. We are Family - Please please please go watch this movie if you need a good cry. I never not cry when I watch this. The first time I watched it, I was inconsolable and the sadness stayed with me for a few days after. Have this in your next watchlist and watch it alone for elite experience.

8. When in Rome - This movie, I have not seen in years, but you know how I can confidently put it on this list? Is the fact that I still think of it to this day.

9. Ayat-ayat Cinta - C'mon, one Indo movie has to be on here. Can't count the amount of times I rewatched this too. The nikah scene alone is 10/10. And let's pretend the second movie never existed.

10. Laila Isabella - I have to throw one classic, OG, that GURL on here. Everyone's performances in here were chef's kiss!! I wish we have this on streaming.

If you don't know what to watch on your free time or while you're eating, you're welcome. I just gave you ten options.

#TGIF: Through Their Eyes

 

The little hands tapping on the window,
eyes wide, full of wonder,
shrieks and gasps saying—
“Look at those! So beautiful!”

It’s the same view I see every day,

every commute to my 9–5.

I’ve long lost appreciation for it,

but to them, it’s all new.

I understand it now—

the role of a child:

to teach us to slow down and appreciate

the world once again,

to see through innocent eyes,

to find beauty in the everyday,

the kind that dulls over time.

I stand right behind,

smiling to myself, whispering thank-yous,

for showing me that life can be

ever exciting, ever thrilling, ever exhilarating—

even in the mundane,

if only I choose to see it that way.

- AZ

#TGIF: The thing that lingers

“He had a baby today”

“Damn. I would love to read your journal entry about this. Like I want to skinny dip right into your thoughts right now."

It was not a joke though I was trying to lighten the mood, knowing how this news may be hitting her like a truck. 

“There wouldn’t be enough papers for it. To describe how the world stopped for me this morning. I feel like crashing out, but at the same time like, ‘what am I doing’”

“It would literally be like that for me too.”

“I remember exactly where I was when I found out he got a gf, when he got engaged, when he got married, now had a baby.”

“Must’ve felt like little earthquakes each time.”

“Belum habis process the milestones then BAM! — a meteor”

“I get it, he’s 10 milestones ahead and it feels unfair that you are still at the restaurant” 

That’s a Taylor Swift reference, incase you don’t know. 

“Hard to admit but mentally I am still there. I don’t talk about it anymore, I thought I was past it. It’s fading but not fast enough.”

That’s the thing about unrequited love. It’s an open wound, gushing out blood at first but you ignore them, because time heals, right? It became an ugly, untreated scab and one trigger makes it bleeding again. You thought you were past it, dealt with it, moved on from it. But the truth is, it’s still there. Ignored, untreated, unaddressed. It sucks even more when it seems like you’re the only one experiencing it while the other person moved on, unaffected. You’re left feeling betrayed, angry or bitter. Or worse—all of them at once. 

Many had gone through similar experiences, myself included. The end of an almost-lover hurts more than an actual relationship because you’re haunted by the what-ifs and the could’ve beens. Often, it stays with you for years. You started dissecting conversations thinking “Did I read that wrongly?” “Did I imagined everything?” “Was all of that not real?”. Replaying every shared memories in your head wondering if it was one sided after all. 

It’s the endless questions you have, doing laps around the corner of your brain where the thought of him seems to have a permanent residence, knowing well you will never get the answers to. Some lucky enough to get closure, but many never did, silently grieving someone who no longer belongs — and maybe never truly did.

#TGIF: The mental juggle lately

 

One night I woke up from a bad dream. A nightmare, I would say. In that dream I was on my way to the airport with my sister Dyna when I realized I forgot to pack a lot of important items. Like a warm outerwear when it’s going to be late fall/early winter where I’m heading and I forgot to exchange money for expenses, and apparently, my Visa was also not approved yet. I woke up panicked, and thankful that I was still in my room, and not living a nightmare at the airport. 

The thing is, I am really travelling soon, and I am unready. That dream was a reminder that I should start packing and preparing, but also the reflection of my quiet anxieties of travelling. Apparently, not too quiet since it managed to creep into my dream. I hate to admit this, but despite me showing my brave side, I am very much afraid. This place is a place I’ve never been to, using a language I don’t speak, in a climate I am not used to. It’s not a baseless fear. But other people do this all the time, don’t they? 

I went to a friend’s wedding last weekend, it was probably one of the best weddings I’ve ever been to. That aside, being around familiar faces brought back memories from 2020, when the world was in the thick of COVID-19. These were the same people who had kept me sane during the pandemic. We bonded pre-quarantine, but became a hell lot closer while in quarantine — entirely virtually. We spent countless evenings and Friday nights video calling each other, playing games and chatting. We got to know each other’s secrets, pains and fears. They were the first people I’ve ever shared my traumas with. People who were just colleagues turned into friends. Actual good friends.

Post quarantine, we made trips together — Melaka, Penang, Terengganu. We somehow survived the ultimate friendship test: travelling together. No lives were lost nor harmed, thankfully. Now, five years later, though the frequency of face time has significantly reduced since we no longer work together, I still feel the same about this bunch. One friend once said — from the outside looking in — this bunch is my found family. And as cliche as it sounds, it truly feels like that.

This past few days I thought about feeling FOMO. I used to have chronic FOMO. I think about feeling insecure and wanting to make friends. Being a pathological people pleaser, I tend to say “yes” to anything. Even when I’m tired or not feeling it, I would agree. Because disagreeing makes me feel like a difficult person. But growing older makes me protect myself so much more. I still tend to please people, yes but I do that much less now. I am okay with saying “maybe next time” “not tonight, I'm tired" because all I want to do is go home.

I also don’t get offended anymore if I’m not invited. Some seats aren’t meant for you, and that’s okay. I have learned to know that when I am not invited or included, it’s often not personal. I used to feel unworthy or unlikeable when I was not invited. And that’s my own insecurities talking. Early 20s were tough, trying to form strong loving relationship with myself. I’ve battled many and insecurities, often invisible to others. It’s deep-rooted, and takes time to heal. But learning myself has been the most rewarding part of adulthood. 

I love socializing, I really do, but not all the time. I realized, I have started to choose which conversations I would want to engage with. I may love hanging out with you and talking to you, but there will be days I don’t feel like doing any of that. Most times it does not have anything to do with the person, but rather the substance of conversation itself. If it does not concern me, or if it will drain my energy, i would rather not get myself involved. I know I may end up protecting my peace too much, but at this age, that’s literally what i need. I appreciate people, experiences and conversations that add to me, not drain me.

What a tiring work week. I am grateful to be tired and drained from a job that pays my bills but am I close to retiring age yet?

#TGIF: etched between pages

You scribbled in my notebook once,
leaving a mark that forever etched itself
between the pages of my life.

Now I flip through other notebooks,
searching for any trace of existence, of remembrance—
knowing it will never happen again.
Not with you,
not with anyone who passes through.

Still, my muscles, bones, mind, and soul
keep wishing—quietly, stubbornly—
that one day,
I’ll find a familiar scribble again,

on a fresh page, a couple of years down.
But this time, it won’t burn—
it will feel like coming home.

- AZ

#TGIF: what happens when i'm happy?

Writer’s block can happen -- especially when there are deadlines to follow. I keep a strict schedule of posting every Friday, so I often need new ideas fast. But sometimes, the words just don’t flow.

At this point, I’d like to consider myself a writer -- self-proclaimed, yes. Writing has become part of my DNA. I love putting my feelings into words; it helps me regulate my emotions and discover myself along the way. Though most of what I write are personal reflections, I do hope people find comfort in them, that they see parts of themselves through my thoughts. Honestly, I can’t imagine not writing.

I once read that to be a good writer, you must read widely and deeply. I take that as my lifelong homework. To always read, relate, and learn. Writing isn’t as effortless as people might think. It’s rarely just a brain dump. It’s often planned, outlined, and intentionally crafted -- though nine times out of ten, it’s also emotionally woven.

Lately, though, I’ve felt stuck. Uninspired, even. I can write, but the words don’t feel as deep. They skim the surface -- safe, shallow, unrooted. I’ve gone back and forth, starting drafts I never finish because none of them feel right, or good enough, or at least appropriate to share.

It upsets me sometimes. Is this why writers keep ten drafts ready, just to pull one out when inspiration runs dry?

I’ve realized I write best when I’m most vulnerable -- when I’m in the thick of sadness, grief, or immense joy. But I’m not always in those extremes. So what happens when I’m somewhere in between?

#TGIF: What truly matters

This is probably one of the hardest weeks for me when it comes to writing. I couldn’t bring myself to write about anything else this week. Not when the world is showing me what truly matters. Let me walk you through my thought process this week;

1. It’s 10.10 week, so naturally, the campaigns and sales were all I think about. I was locked in.
2. In my content plan, this week’s #TGIF post was supposed to be about Umrah again. But then I thought — it’s too soon after the last one. I need to space it out a little.
3. Then I considered writing about books, but I just did that last week too.
4. Above all, there’s a bigger issue that deserves real estate in this space — something that has been taking up a lot of my attention lately: the Sumud Flotilla mission, and more broadly, Gaza. Why would I even bother writing about anything else — things that, in comparison, feel so small — when I feel this responsibility (self-imposed, but still) to keep talking about it?

As someone who is very emotional and in tune with my feelings, last Thursday was a rough day. When the news broke about the fleets being intercepted, I was in a full-day training but found myself tearing up randomly throughout. I wasn’t sad, necessarily because I knew they expected this. There have been several Freedom Flotilla attempts since 2010, none of which have succeeded — they knew what they were going into.

I cried out of pride. I was deeply moved by their bravery. Can you imagine being there? It’s a kind of sacrifice most of us will never be capable of. But they volunteered to be on that boat, fully aware of the risks, all to make the world talk again — to make noise.

It shouldn’t take another Freedom Flotilla to remind us to keep talking, to keep demanding an end to the occupation, but here we are. The boats may not enter Gaza, but the mission succeeded in its own way. Everyone started sharing, posting, demonstrating, demanding, reposting, not just here in Malaysia but everywhere in the world. It's heartwarming to see how united we are, globally, all in the name of peace.

Yesterday, a ceasefire agreement was announce. From the track record, it may not be long, they may violate that agreement, again. But for now we will let Palestinians celebrate and pray it will be permanent. They deserve a peaceful, safe life like us, too. Let's keep boycotting to our best effort, keep demanding, keep praying. It's only over when Palestinians tell us it's over.

#TGIF: Everything I've read this year so far

With books, I have found new love beyond romance genre. Since last year, I have started to explore genres like contemporary fiction and historical fiction. It was partly because I was heavily influenced by BookTok recommendations, but mainly also because I do want to branch out to romance fiction. I got tired of the same storyline every time. I wanted more, I wanted my reading experience to be more diverse.

This year though, I started to indulge myself in some biography, started with I'm Glad My Mom Died and I thought, okay this is actually interesting. To have a view into someone else's life and this person is a real human being, not some fictional character. It helps that I actually know Jennette McCurdy from the many hours spent watching iCarly and Sam & Cat growing up. 

Then, because I was preparing for Umrah, I explored Islamic books. I wanted to feed my mind and consume content that I can benefit from. Books that will actually help me and give me a bit more insights for the journey I was about to embark. I was so glad I read Biografi Muhammad bin Abdullah before landing in Madinah because I was able to experience Madinah from a different lens, having a better appreciation after knowing the importance of each historical landmarks. Since, I found Islamic books real interesting that I read a couple more after that. I've also started to buy more too (they are so much cheaper, too!).

I still read romance though, more so to take me out of a slump as romance fiction is easier and faster to get through as apposed to any other genres. So here's the list of books I've read so far, in order from January till now:

1. Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors
2. More Days at the Morisaki Bookshop by Satoshi Yagisawa
3. And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
4. I Who Have Never Known Men by Jacqueline Harpman
5. Same Time Next Year by Tessa Bailey
6. Chase Me (Broke and Beautiful series) by Tessa Bailey
7. Need Me (Broke and Beautiful series) by Tessa Bailey
8. Make Me (Broke and Beautiful series) by Tessa Bailey
9. The Housemaid's Secrets by Frieda McFadden
10. Part of Your World by Abby Jimenez
11. Hopeless by Elsie Silver
12. The Wedding People by Alison Espach
13. I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
14. Biografi Muhammad bin Abdullah by Zulkifli Mohd Yusoff & Noor Naemah Abd Rahman
15. Tuhan, Seindah Apa di Hujung Sana? by Hafizul Faiz
16. The Beauty of Promised Rizq by Ayesha Syahira
17. Yours Truly by Abby Jimenez
18. Befriending The Quran by Ayesha Syahira
19. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

I have a goal of 35 books, I don't think it's a lot at all, but now that we're in October and I still have about 15 books I have to read to hit, I am not so sure I can do it. I took quite a long break during Ramadan and Raya, I usually don't read during Ramadan anyways but even during Raya month, I was not in the mood. That pushed me back by 2 months. 

We'll see how many will I end up reading by December, for now I will just enjoy reading without putting too much pressure to hit the 35 books reading goal. What have you been reading?

#TGIF: When the invite came

As I have previously promised, there will be more Umrah contents coming up. Today is one of it. Honestly speaking, I don't have any coherent thought on this topic just yet. All of my experiences, feelings and reflections are all jumbled up in my head. I keep on asking myself, did that really happen? Have I really gone for Umrah, for real?

It's well over a month since coming back now, and I have not gone a day without thinking about the sacred places -- Madinah and Mekah -- wishing to go back soonest I can.

I get it now why people who have been there, would not be able to move on from it. I don't think there is a way to truly capture what it's like to be there. Words fail, there's only purely feelings. Even then, most times you can't accurately describe a feeling. Now, every time I see someone wishing to go for Umrah, I would say 'amiin' to it, hoping Allah would invite them too. I like every Umrah content I see, get teary eyed and cry watching them as both my eyes and my heart now recognises the place.

I have wished for Umrah since I was maybe 16 years old. I was young, but I have the heaviest wish to perform Umrah. I obviously had absolutely no funds to go, and my parents have just enough for them both. Alhamdulillah, at least my parents went. I kept the dream since, sometimes the longing gets so intense, at times I forgot about it. I am not always on track with my faith, as my iman goes up and down too. There were also time I neglected that dream because I know ladies can't go alone without mahram. I am not married, and my dad already went. It would take a lot more money to have my dad go with me too. So it never became fruition, this long dream of mine.

Until a few years back Saudi government allow ladies to go without mahram. Then I thought, this is the perfect chance! I just started working at the time, I just need to save money. And now going without mahram would not be an issue anymore. I met a friend who went alone (but he's a guy) and he told me, 'Pergi sendiri je Tya, tak payah tunggu siapa-siapa." But still, it stayed just a dream, a whispered prayer, a silent plea for me to be able to go. It got even louder after two of my best friends Mimi and Sarah, went for Umrah themselves. I yearned for it.

Fast forward to last year, when I looked around and reassessed my life (and I've mentioned a bit too many times how 27 was a turning point in my life in numerous ways), I thought to myself - What kind of life do I actually want to live? Who do I want to be and what kind of value do I want to offer? I have everything I want in my life, but what have I done with it? It was then, that the intense desire to go for Umrah came rushing back. I told my sister that I wanted to go, for real. It's not just a wish anymore, I need to take real actions. Survey packages, book a spot, start paying, all the things.

That was what we finally did. We started looking through a few travel agencies, asking for rates, checking our calendars - which month and date would be the best to go. We ended up choosing summer, musim panas and non-school holidays and paid booking fees in December 2024. It was cheaper and we have at least 7 months to save up and prepare. It took months, it wasn't easy, truly. We were tested - our Umrah date got moved, twice! From July to August. And we needed to add more money for the package fees. But all I could think of is 'if I am meant to be there, I will be there, come what may'. So I kept my faith strong and my hopes high. I was so scared of telling anyone, because what if it didn't happen? What if the plan fell through? What if I won't have enough funds to fully pay the package? What if Allah still would not invite me yet?

I know, I know - I was thinking negatively about Allah when He can make anything possible. Making du'a after putting effort was all I have left.

Month after month, the anticipation looming over both me and my sister. We were both excited, nervous, pinching ourselves, sharing TikTok videos on the daily on what to prepare and places to visits. The excitement was unbearable. We received a bunch of well wishes from family and close friends, them making du'a for us to have a smooth journey, and for us to have Umrah mabrur. It was a special time, truly. A lot of learning, improving, reflecting, preparing. Alhamdulillah. Writing this down is truly a way for me to preserve this memory forever.

I would not be able to write my whole Umrah experience in this entry, as it would be too long to do so. But I do want to emphasize on what I've learnt through the process of going and preparing - which is to set the right intention, put your best effort, pray really hard and tell Him you really want to go, trust me - He will see you through it. I had days where I wonder how am I going to afford paying the full amount. But Alhamdulillah I managed, but none of it would be possible without His help.

I pray everyone who reads this that has intention or wish to go, will one day get to experience Umrah with your loved ones too. Amin.

#TGIF: My life in lists

Who else here chronically plan their life to the T? I do. I am the girl with the list, with plans and goals. I don't think I will be able to live fully and intentionally without it. I've been that girl as far back as I can remember and I think it gets more chronic now. It's both a positive and negative trait to have.

In school I had a list of homework and things to do, which is normal. In Uni I had study plans that's detailed. Especially nearing final exams, I even plan my hours for what I was going to study, down to the chapters I am covering. Until now I still prepare packing list for every single staycations/holidays/sleepovers and my sisters would be referencing my list to pack theirs. I don't know when or how it started, but I have always loved structure. 

I have yearly list, monthly list and 30 under 30 list -- which I will probably cover next time. Having goals and things to work towards has always put me in some sense of purpose, like I have something I am walking towards and better if it's something I can control. Like getting a degree or losing weight or writing every Friday until the end of 2025. It's attainable, measurable with success metrics clearly determined.

So naturally, every new year I have a list of goals I want to achieve. Though some might think it's so cliché having new year resolutions that one usually never achieve, I love having them. It puts me into focus mode. My year should have purpose, and it should be renewed yearly so you have things to look forward to. Right? 

Even beyond that, I love having monthly goals too. Separate from the yearly goals which usually includes the big things, monthly goals on the other hand are something simple like "make a dentist appointment". I would list down 5 things I want to do each month, usually things I've been putting off for so long. Like how I've put off registering for Hajj until this year, May. That's when I finally did it after delaying for years. Yeah, I know. And that made me so happy to finally tick it off. 

So this is me checking in with you - How's your 2025 resolution looks like and how is it progressing now that we are in September? Have you tick off most of them, or all of them, or none at all? You still have plenty of time to start evaluating them, and making effort to tick them off. It's not just about taking things off a list, it's about making things happen and holding yourself accountable. Live with purpose and walk towards the direction that one day you can look back and know you've lived meaningfully.

p/s: Yes, we live in accordance to Allah's plans. I am not saying you should control your life that you have no room for Allah's plans. No, you should plan, put effort and let Allah do the rest.

#TGIF: Notes from Madinah #1

11 August 2025, Day 2

I am in Madinah. In Masjid Nabawi specifically. In all the places I thought is magical and majestic, this place tops all of it. I could not express how beautiful it is here and how grateful I am to be chosen to be here, experiencing this.

I had moments, too many of them that I could count, where I was at the verge of tears. I could not believe my eyes. I still don't. I wish there is a corner where I can wail, cos I am incapable of crying demurely. So I stopped myself from crying at all.

It's hot here. But nothing that I can't handle. Considering it's already amazing that I am here in the first place. There are so many people here, from all walks of life. But they all look the same, I could not tell where they come from but I could immediately recognize Malaysians and Indonesians. No one seemed to mind the heat though. I can tolerate heat better than cold anyways, inshaAllah.

I will be visiting Raudhah tonight. Finally being in such close proximity with The Beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW. I am so excited and nervous. I can't wait to spend hours in the Masjid too.

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p/s: This is a journal entry from when I was in Madinah. I made sure to bring a travel journal with me for Umrah to write what I feel immediately. Most of the sentences may be non-cohesive, you know it was a candid, brain dump-type of writing.

#TGIF: 20-week streak

This is my 20th post in a row. I have been posting for 20 weeks now, every Friday, without fail. We've been on dates 20 times. Can you believe it? Do you think you've learned something about me? I have to say, I am actually really delighted that I am able to keep this going for this long, and now that we are here, there's no way for me to stop. I have to get to the finishing line, write until the very last Friday of 2025. I might even go beyond that, who knows?

From the past 20 weeks, I learned that I can make time for something I love. It's not always about having time, it's about carving out time and prioritizing. Writing has always been my escape and having something to look forward to each week feels great. I know some of you do come by every Friday, I notice. Usually I don't check the stats or views until the next Monday, and I am happy to know some people would tune in voluntarily, I can even see spikes on Fridays weekly. For that I am very grateful. Writing means a lot to me and it's just how I express love -- through words of affirmations. If you are on the receiving end of it, be it long birthday wishes or letters from me, just know that means you are among the people I treasure most. 

I don't know what will I write in the coming Fridays, but I hope it would always be something beneficial or able to resonate with many. I don't write out of vanity, I write to connect, to relate, to express. Many of the things I shared are up close and personal, I was so scared to post because they reveal so much. But then again, that's who I am. I won't be able to be true to myself if I fail to write honestly. Summing up, this is the single best thing I've ever started and I hope this will grow into something meaningful and purposeful, not just for me but also for those who have been kind enough to stick around.

#TGIF: Love is always right on time

Taylor Swift just gave me a new sense of hope that love is possible. Okay here me out, I am actually nervous to write this entry. I thought I might write about this someday, but never this soon. I thought I would one day speak up about my experience with love and how frustrating it was on my part but it’s too vulnerable to let the whole world know. Writing about it means I am admitting it, which is really, really scary. And slightly embarrassing too. It’s something I’ve only admitted to a few I really trusted because a huge part of me wants to appear unaffected.

But what just announced in the pop culture world (ahem Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce’s engagement), inspired something in me. I thought I could share my unfiltered, unsolicited thoughts on it. I love seeing them together but I think the one lesson we could all learn from this is how important it is to never settle for anything less than what you deserve. Have deep, unrelenting trust that your person (truly and wholly your person) is out there for you. It might take a long time for you to finally meet that person, for the stars to finally align for you, but with due time, you’ll have that love you have been dreaming of. And for Taylor, the love she has been writing about for over 20 years. Because of that, my heart is happy for her.

Taylor and Travis are both 33 when they met each other, and then got engaged at 35. Even when they first started dating each other, I said to a close friend of mine “If Taylor only finds her person at 33, I have plenty of time to meet mine.” I have never felt more…at ease. Knowing that I am not late, in fact, I am right on time. It does not matter how long it will take if in the end the person for me is the one that will make the most sense. Everyone in my life will cheer and say “Tya, he is so perfect for you” and at that time I will not care of all the years I’ve waited, patiently praying for a man so great. It will all be worth it. 

Even if you’re not Taylor’s fan, you would agree that this man, matches her so perfectly. In every sense of the word. You can’t help but to root for them. I grew up listening to Taylor Swift’s albums. I know every heartbreak, every broken roads and wrong person. They are the literal example and living proof that there is a person that matches your energy, drive, wavelength, and someone that could supports your dreams and goals without compromising their own dreams and goals. Beyond that, you can see that they are already whole as individuals but together? They are better. You should be the added value to the other person's life, not the one filling in cracks and gaps. 

Remember, you will never be too much for the right person. He loves her so loudly and proudly. Dead set on pursuing her the moment he laid eyes on her and public can see that. It is so heartwarming to witness from afar. Travis always say that Taylor made him so much better as a person, and that's the kind of love you want, the one that makes you want to be better. On the flip side, that's the kind of love you deserve too, when someone tries to better themselves because you are worth putting effort for, and not giving the "you are too good for me" crap. 

I have stopped giving energy to people who made me feel less than or unworthy. It’s the most freeing and liberating feeling once I've put myself first in any given situation and quick to assess if I want to invest my energy in the relationship or not even if that means I end up protecting my peace a bit too tightly. But in the deepest part of my heart, I pray one day I get to experience the best kind of love too. Hate to admit, but all my life I have always been the second, the next best choice because the first choice is no longer available, the plan B, the safety net, the ‘incase this does not work, I still have you’ person. For once, let me be the only.

May the right kind of love find its way to me and you, however long it takes. In the meantime, live fully and love widely, fiercely. Let's not feel bad about wanting a very specific kind of love, be selfish with who you invest your time and attention to and be unapologetic about setting a standard that works for you. Life is too short to live in agony, and too long to spend it with the wrong person.

"I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well."

White Horse, Taylor Swift

#TGIF: It will all work out

As how it has always been, I tend to write about what recently just happened in my life, so naturally, I will be talking about my recent Umrah trip in this entry. I won't be saying much though because there are a lot to say, but I do want to share a lesson I have learnt through all these processes; is first and foremost, to trust in Allah's plans. 

I can't tell you how long have I been dreaming to step foot in Masjidil Haram. To see the Kaabah with my own two eyes, to pray in there, to just...stare at the Kaabah. I have wanted to go since I was 16-17 years old, when I just started my hijrah journey (and I am still on that journey, will always be). After a while, I didn't think I would be given the rezeki to go if I'm being honest but that's the part where I was wrong. I was wrong to think so negatively instead of continue to pray and hope and work towards it. 

To think about it, I believe Allah called me to His house at the perfect time, when I am most definitely needed it, and when I could appreciate every moment I spend there. I traced back to the doa I sent to some friends that went for Umrah before I did from years ago up until recently, and how I would always include this same doa over and over again, which was for Allah to invite me too. Alhamdulillah, He answered.

List of prayers I sent to a classmate in 2014.

September 2023

December 2024

It was in December last year that my sister and I thought, let's plan this seriously. We booked our spot in December last year, to finally go 9 months after. It was lengthy, but the only way we could work it out. That's when I thought, wishing and praying is only one part of it, but taking actual and real steps towards going is completely another. And you need both. Allah memampukan orang yang dijemputNya. But you need to put real effort, while praying Allah ease them all for you.

Alhamdulillah, I am back in Malaysia now, having tons to reflect, and a lot more to be grateful for. Will share more stories and reflections in coming entries. Until then ;) 

#TGIF: My favourite prayers

By the time this is posted, I am in Makkah to perform my first Umrah. This is also why I thought this would be the right topic to write about. It might feel a little performative, but I also want to share something beneficial while I’m in this holy place, in hopes that you could incorporate them into your daily lives too and became a form of jariah for me, InshaAllah.

I've started building a small habit of listening to morning zikir a while ago as I get ready, usually during work days. Some of the zikir in my rotation are:

• Doa Pagi - Specifically by Munif Ahmad (Hijjaz)
• Selawat Tafrijiyyah
• Zikir Taubat (only recently added to the rotation)
• Sayyidul Istighfar (also new)
• Qunut Nazilah
• Doa Dhuha (one of my favourite to "sing" to, lol)

I play these while getting dressed and doing my makeup. They help to quiet my anxiety, especially if I know the week ahead is packed. I try to keep up with this most days, though sometimes I skip and watch vlogs or listen to songs instead (balance, right?).

When I’m leaving the house (or while in the car), these are the doa I recite (in exact order) for protection and ease in my affairs;

1) بِسْمِ اللهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ عَلَى اللهِ وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللهِ

In the name of Allah, I place my trust in Allah, and there is no power nor might except with Allah.

2) رَبِّ يَسِّرْ وَلَا تُعَسِّرْ رَبِّ تَمِّمْ بِالْخَيْرِ

My Lord, make it easy and do not make it difficult. My Lord, make it end well.

3) اللَّهُمَّ لَا سَهْلَ إِلَّا مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلًا، وَأَنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ إِذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلًا

O Allah, there is nothing easy except what You make easy, and You make difficulty, if You wish, easy.

4) يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ وَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ

O Ever-Living, O Self-sustaining, and All-sustaining, by Your mercy I seek help; rectify all my affairs and do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye.

5) Bismillah 5

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَانِ الرَّحِيْم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

بِسْمِ اللهِ الشَّافِي

In the name of Allah, the Healer

بِسْمِ اللهِ الْكَافِي

In the name of Allah, the Sufficient

بِسْمِ اللهِ الْمُعَافِي

In the name of Allah, the One who grants well-being

بِسْمِ اللهِ الَّذِي لَا يَضُرُّ مَعَ اسْمِهِ شَيْءٌ فِي الْأرْضِ وَلَا فِي السَّمَاءِ وَهُوَ السَّمِيْعُ الْعَلِيْم

In the name of Allah, with whose name nothing in the earth nor in the heavens can cause harm, and He is the All-Hearing, All-Knowing.

6) Doa Nabi Sulaiman

إِنَّهُ مِن سُلَيْمَانَ وَإِنَّهُ بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

It is from Solomon, and it reads: ‘In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.’ (Surah An-Naml: 30)

Doa Nabi Sulaiman is what I call magic doa. If you have difficulty dealing with people -- either your boss, clients, peers, colleagues, read this! And set the right intentions for Him to ease your affairs.

I read these with firm belief that Allah will take care of everything -- my life, my job, my safety, and my sustenance. It feels odd to miss this routine, and when I do, I can tell: the day feels heavier and harder to get through.

Lastly, in the final sujud of my prayers, I make this doa: 

رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

My Lord, truly I am in need of whatever good You send down to me. (Surah Al-Qasas: 24)

This doa is very popular for finding jodoh, but I've practice this since I was probably 19, no jodoh in sight just yet, but this doa opened so many different doors for me instead! 

Hope this benefit some of you, and please pray for my health while I am here ;)