Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Of rain and shine

Disclaimer: I started writing this entry in early September and only had the time to finish writing it now. 

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

The past month has been a roller coaster ride for me, emotionally. There were so much emotions going on throughout the month of August. One day I was happy and another day I cried my heart out.

Those who follow me on Instagram might already know, I lost two uncles, each were separated by exactly one month. Honestly I don't even know how to explain my feelings and thoughts. Even right now, writing this, I feel like my words are just all over the place. I'm sorry if this entry is a mess.

To begin, on 31st July we got the news of the passing of my uncle (from Dad's side). Truthfully, my whole life, I was never really closed to him. We would meet during every other raya or whenever he comes to stay the night at our house. BUT, ever since he fell sick early this year, I felt closer to him as we (my family and I) go back and forth the hospital to look after him. I can't tell you clear enough of how the situation was, or how pitiful I felt when I look at his face and knowing that I can't do anything. That morning when we got the news, I felt terrible. I cried and cried and I could've sworn, I did not even cry that bad when Nenek passed away. If you have been here long enough, you know how sad I was when Nenek passed away. This one beat that. The last time I met him was on my cousin's wedding, (just about a week before he's gone) we sent him to the LRT station after the event and his last words to us family were "I love you all". I will never forget that.

Shortly after, I went to JB and day trip to SG with the girl friends. It was our first ever trip together. Not to forget it was also my first time abroad. Yeap. I had waaay too many firsts with them, this is just one of many. It was fun, I had the best time (except for that one time I was being a total pain in the butt, I was moody and annoying only to find out my period came the next day lol I'm so sorry frens).

The next week, my other cousin got married (from Mum's side). This was probably the most awaited wedding heheh. We have been bugging Kak Wanie with the question "Bila nak kawin?" for years and years, finally the day came. We were all so happy and grateful. I was the pengapit btw 😅

Raya Haji fell on the 22nd August and all of us were supposed to celebrate it at Paklong's house in Sepang but that morning we got the news that Paklong was rushed to the hospital. It was already an emotional day for all of us and it got worst when Paklong wrote Mum a note (bcs he couldn't talk so he wrote instead) "I dont think I can make it this time, Ita". Water works. Even the gentlemen. We all cried.

31st August. He left us. I lost yet another uncle and he is someone that I love so deeply and respect so immensely. He loved to tease us, his jokes will always be a fond memory to me. He appreciated my massaging talent as he always puji how good I urut. One time he came all the way from Sepang (despite of not being well himself) just to have me massage him. I felt so so honored and nobody has ever appreciated my ability that way. To this day I still cannot believe he left us and it is really awkward to call him as arwah Paklong. 

Full circle of 31 days had my emotions went from sad to happy to content to sad again and that's just how life works. And to be frank with you, this is just a sneak peek of how this whole year has been to me. A lot to handle, a lot to comprehend, way too many emotions. 

To both of my late uncles, I pray that your world over there is much much better than life on Earth. We will meet again soon, until then I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Al-fatihah.

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