How 2020 is both a blessing & a curse

One whole year, 12 months, 366 days. A lot has happened. 2020 is definitely one of the most challenging one, emotionally. I went on a roller coaster ride and the emotions I felt was strong that I can clearly remember how it felt. It wasn't something that was just passing by. And, just like any other events in my life, I decided to document all of them as a way to

1. Cope with the feelings 
2. Look back later and be reminded that hey, if I was able to get through THAT, I can go through anything 
3. Remember the pain that made me stronger, blessings that kept me grounded

 

Blessings

1. I passed my 6 months probation period in early February & I hit the first full year of working in early August. I guess it was the "first job" feeling that made it so fulfilling & meaningful though I think to other people it's just another small milestone. It's huge to me and I'm thankful that God has placed me at where I am today, crossing path with talented, kind-hearted, super goal-driven people. 1 year & 5 months has passed since I first joined, who knows how long more will I be working there.
2. Because of the pandemic & the whole quarantine thing, I was able to spend SO much time with my family. I have always been with my family anyways since I still live with my parents but when COVID-19 hits and we had to stay at home around 3 months before the MCO started to ease a bit around June, it was a whole another level of "spending time". One of the many silver linings to this whole thing. Our Ramadan & Raya brought completely different meaning to us. It was definitely a meaningful one for me.
3. We welcomed a new addition to the family, the first baby boy! We got the news Kakak was pregnant again with her second child in early February, and the baby turned out to be a boy. It has always been us girls beside Papa, then came around our brother in law and now a healthy & wonderful baby boy. He is 3 months old now, I haven't seen him in nearly 2 months and I can't wait to gomol him when we meet. 
4. At times like this what you have to be most grateful for is definitely good health. I am blessed with such a healthy body this whole year. I think I got "sick" just for a night, took medication and I was completely alright the next day. I remember last year I got sick multiple times and felt yucky about it. Most of us always take health for granted and I realised how this blessing is the one thing a lot of people out there would trade anything for. To be among the people (my whole family too!) God keep safe & healthy despite the pandemic getting worst than ever is still mind-blowing to me. He is the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
5. I finally got the answer to my prayers and my wonder after 5+ years though I get it the hard way. I refuse to elaborate so much on this but this has always been at the back of my mind the whole time for the past 5 years and how I was never free from that thought. It was finally answered 5 years later, or at least God opened my eyes to see it now as I obviously was too blind to see it back then.
6. More to a responsibility than a blessing, I can say that I am now fully financially independent. I never thought I would say this at the age of 23 but being able to have your own hard-earned money and spend it the way you always imagine you would want to when you were younger is such a fulfilling thing to do. The bigger blessing here would definitely be the fact that I am able to keep my job up until this point despite of current economic situation. If that doesn't keep you going, I don't know what will.

Curses

1. Because of Miss Rona, my convocation was cancelled. I am still trying to find the good side of this whole cancellation but haven’t seen it yet. I am the type to always find silver linings in every setbacks so that I can feel better and put my mindset on the positive side, but man, I cannot find one for this yet.. It's not the biggest deal that I didn't get the convocation I once looked forward to but it was still a bummer.
2. I went through a series of heartbreaks but one of it gave me the answer to my prayers (refer point 5 in Blessings, lol am I writing a thesis...?). Ok, to be fair point number 5 wasn't a "heartbreak", more like something that happened and it left me all huh??? Did that just happened....again? I was left super confused and taken aback but I was partly at fault for letting it happen. I also had a friendship crisis that made me realise, I want this friendship to last really bad. I wanted to make this work more than anything. Things were resolved in the best way possible & I think it made us more understanding of each other.
3. This is definitely not exclusive to myself. We spent a lot of time indoors, hence wasn't able to actually "live". A lot of time were spent alone (for most people), not much on having fun obviously because you can't go anywhere but I think whenever we actually get to see friends and family, we learn to appreciate that and really be in the moment. At least for me I really look forward to meet friends on Friday nights because I know that is indeed a luxury.

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There are obviously a lot more blessings & curses in between but these are major ones that impacted me most this year. Though 2020 has been a total nightmare to a lot of us that we can’t wait to wake up from, still, always count your blessings twice. Better days are coming, believe it, manifest it.

Now... if I do a little backtrack to an entry I posted in February, I still hold on to what I said, that this year will be a good year. 

Turns out it does. Despite COVID-19 and the whole quarantine thing, I still see this year as a decent one. Full of learnings (I will also make an extension to this entry), and has made me wiser in every way possible.