Saturday, July 3, 2021

of night breeze & disconnection

I forgot how nice the night air feels brushing across my face. Cool and calming. I have been inside for way too long, that's definite. 

I went out today. Had to take out the trash. Yeap, mundane. But I went out of my house, at night, for the first time in quite some time. It was really nice. I never thought I would appreciate the 3 minutes outside of the house this much. It's pathetic and laughable if I'm being honest. But it's the reality now and the only reason why I haven't been outside much at night is that I don't have the reason to. Most of the time, things were done during the day. Jogging, picking up parcels, or taking out the trash, for that matter.

Last week was rough for me. I took last weekend to reflect and detach myself from everything that can let me question my sanity even further. I took the initiative to let people know how I feel, instead of engulfing it whole, on my own. I reached out to my sisters, my mom, my friends, I also wrote. Of course, I did. Like any other thing, this is the means that has never failed to prove its effectiveness in making me feel better. 

It succeeded again this time around. But it was also contributed by another initiative I took. I logged out of my social media accounts -- Twitter and Instagram to be specific. I realized they added to the agony I already have in me. I'm already mad at the situation, feeling helpless, and when I read how other people are just as mad and frustrated; it fuelled my rage. I didn't know social media can do that to you as I have never experienced such feelings until this. Social media is a toxic place, as we all already know.

It has been exactly a week now, and you have no idea how much at peace I feel. I needed this, I do. I have not missed Twitter at all, not even one bit. I used to think I cannot quit Twitter, just because that's where I keep myself updated on what's happening around me, around us. Not just the spicy and juicy stuff, but also the important and pressing issues. But I knew better what's best for my well-being.

Now that I don't have social media to scroll for hours, I pick up books more often. I would spend hours just flipping pages (more like scrolling the pages as I read ebooks, lol). I have finished three whole books in one week. That has single-handedly made me feel good and contented and at peace. 

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