Friday, February 2, 2024

Of past self & being vulnerable

You know what's one of the scariest feeling? It's letting people take a peek into your life and your mind, then having no idea what they think of it. 

I feel this on the daily when I look at the views I receive from my blog entries. Especially on my past ones. It's a brave thing having to write down things that are running through your mind as well as your heart's silent whispers for everyone to read; people who know you well, people who don't know you very well, even those who doesn't know you at all. It's like I'm being vulnerable to nobody and everybody, both at the same time.

It's not the judgement that I worry about, it's knowing the fact that these people having access to my past selves, the high school version of me, the sad version, the excited version, the reflective version, the grateful version, the coming of age version, the adult version, but most of all -- the expressive version. 

Every version there is to know about me is in here. Whether or not I have the same opinion on something or stand on the same view as I did many years back, no one can validate and there's no way I can tell them "But that's not who I am anymore". I know I'm the one enabling this. I allowed people in, I decided to write and share because writing makes me feel better, but it doesn't make any of this less scary. 

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