Sunday, July 6, 2014

This heart wouldn't let go

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

"كيف أقول أشتاق اليك بطريقة تؤلم قلبك كما تؤلمني؟"

How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as mine does?  

Living with a war in your heart is never easy. Dealing with indecisive is way harder. I don't want to be called a liar, but yes I lied. But everything is all for good cause. I never want to hurt anyone, but eventually someone got hurt and that hurts me too. I believe in fate, if we're meant to be, it will be. Never in a million years we would be with somebody else, right? I believe in God's plans. I don't want us to be involved with love that is full of lust and not a single blessing from Allah. Yes, I changed. I changed for myself and it's too bad for you if you can't understand. Not that I don't understand your needs but I am my own priority. I want to be happy, before I make anybody else happy. 

I thought I'll be fine without you. I was. For a month but then this mind of mine chose to think about you. I smile looking at your pictures, our pictures. How stupid I was, how silly we were. But never a second I regretted what happened. Everything taught me to be better. And hopefully, taught you too. That wasn't a mistake, was it? I never want to lose you, but yes, I lost you. I lost another great blessing Allah has sent me. 2 years of knowing each other, and now we're strangers again, aren't we? I don't know. You were a wonderful gift from Him and I'm grateful for every moment we had but I know, I chose this way to end everything. I'm sorry if all this affected you emotionally. I chose to be friends, but it seemed like you had enough of me and my never-ending "I'm sorry". 

Anyhow, I hope you'll fine someone else who can make you happy eternally because I know I can't. Someone that can love you better than I did. Thank you for sticking with me and bare with all my shits and for being so patient with me through out our friendship/relationship. We were never a couple officially but you treated me well so thank you for that too. I'm sorry for every "sigh" for every heartache for every penny you spent for me for every smile you wasted for every second you spent to persuade me to stay. Hopefully after this we both can love better even if it's not for each other. "I'm here I'll be watching your success" - I will keep my promise.

p/s: Excuse me for this.

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