Saturday, July 28, 2018

4 am

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3.50 am, sat up straight on my bed, turned on my laptop that has been abandoned for nearly a month since I got back from Shah Alam, and put my Spotify on shuffle. What are the odds that the first song played is that one song I would want to avoid at times like this? I burst into tears. For all I know, this rarely happens.

It's currently 4 am as I'm typing this. You would know that this entry, isn't planned beforehand. I hope this post turns out sappy, sad and melancholy, just exactly how I feel right now. One of the very few nights that I feel terrible, lonely and sad to the point I hope I don't have feelings so that I won't be feeling this way ever again.

So when exactly the last time did I posted an entry like this? 2 years ago? A post that reveals the pathetic side of me. A post that will remind you that I'm just a normal 21-year-old female, who does feel sad sometimes and are allowed to have breakdowns once in a while. 

For someone that keeps things within herself, do not know how to open up to people, especially on things that involve feelings, I have reached my limit. It hurts to keep it all to yourself, doesn't it? I made a promise to myself that this blog will NOT be the place I vent out about personal things. I was more of an open book on this matter, but that was then. I learnt that not everyone cares, they only want to know.

I stopped writing on my sad days, I only write on my happy days. I avoided writing when I feel lonely, when I can't sleep at night just overthinking. Neither did I text anybody. I guess all of that just got bottled up in my chest and right now, I just can't hold it anymore. I burst into tears.


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