Monday, November 29, 2021

How life has truly been

I didn't plan on writing a life update but a lot has happened in the last couple of months that I feel the urge to write. Before I start, I hope all of you (anyone who happened to read this) are doing fine. Because I am. More than fine. I have been in a very peaceful place, I'm happier than I have been in the last couple of months.

If you read other entries, you know I had some sort of a meltdown in June/July and I'm so glad I am way past that phase. Alhamdulillah. Some people told me it may be anxiety and after that I became more empathetic towards those who actually suffer from anxiety. Mine was mild, and it was just one time but I can't imagine having it on a weekly/monthly occurrence. I pray for your wellbeing, I really do.

I am now in a very healthy headspace. I've been seeing friends and family again, I'm laughing more often now, I'm still stressed out at times but those are inevitable, lol. But getting my weekly dose of social interaction feels really, really good. That boosted my mood by a lot and knowing my loved ones are also healthy, doing good. Nothing feels better than that.

I finally reunited with my niece and nephew after 11 months. ELEVEN. It was the happiest weeks of my life this year. I can't tell you how much I miss them and being able to spend time with the kids, beat every feeling in the world. I felt whole, heart grew twice as big. 

Talking about family, I unfortunately lost another uncle last two weeks. I was so helpless at the time because I was away in Melaka with friends and oh, the guilt I felt.. to both family and my friends. I couldn't be there with my family, and I was also not 100% present during the trip. My mind was wandering, thinking. I went for a 2D1N trip to Melaka and I received the news at midnight. It happened so fast to even wrap my head around it. A bit of back story, he contracted with COVID-19 in August. His whole family got it but he had it worst. He was intubated and spend about a month in ICU. We had faith that he will fight it, he did. He shown progress and was sent home to recover. The months following that, he was making progress, slowly until he kind of relapsed just a few days before he passed. He was admitted again and that was when things just went downhill. 

While I'm still in the same topic, Dad is having a more frequent hospital visits lately. He was supposed to undergo a surgery earlier this year but because of the whole COVID situation and he's also not very fit for surgery, it was pushed back one too many times and it is still in the schedule now. Otherwise, he's fine. My mom is also well, alhamdullilah.

On a lighter note, I finally drove!!! OMG I can't tell you how I am actually still in disbelieve. It's really not a big deal but it is to me. For years, YEARS I had too many people asking me when will you get your driving license, girl? It got to a point where that question is a sore point for me. I don't like answering to the question because I didn't know when. Was I scared? Not confident that I can do it? Was it because of money? Or did I feel like it's too late to take it? Honestly I have no answer. Maybe all of the above but what I know was that I have been delaying it for too long now. 

I took that leap back in March when I registered myself for driving class, attended the 6-hour long talk in May, took the theory exam in October, and fast forward, last weekend I had the first 2 driving classes. It was nerve-wracking, exciting, and scary all at the same time. My instructor told me I did great for a first-timer (mind you I never tried driving illegally. I really am a good girl, lol. Or I was just chickened out la. One of the two). Do you understand how good that made me feel? Yeah I was smiling all weekend, safe to say. There's still more to go through, I don't think I'll be getting my license anytime soon. Probably in early next year. 

But all in all, life has been good. Universe has been kind to me lately. It only makes me be on guard and preparing myself on what could go wrong. Wired that way. 

When was the last time you truly ask, how your life has been? I hope it has been kind to you too :)

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