Saturday, February 15, 2014

Sad beautiful tragic, 13th February 2014.

Time of Death - 412 am

The day I feared the most came. The day everyone feared the most, came. I always thought she could live for a thousand years more. But that's just me being selfish. It was never in my mind that she would leave us. To me, this is just too early for her to leave us all. 

550 am on Thursday morning Mum woke Dyna & me up. I thought it was for school. But then she said Nenek has passed away. I couldn't believe my ears so I asked "Haa?!" so many times. She said "nenek dah tak ada".  Dyna was shocked too. "Inna lillah wainna illa hiraaji'un" was what came from my mouth. I wasn't crying at first, but when I'm in the shower, I couldn't stand the sadness. 

We packed our things and went back to Kampung right away. As we reached kampung, It was 7 something. That God we live not far from Negeri Sembilan. Mak Usu was already there. She was so sad because our family and her's was very close to arwah. We always took turns taking care of arwah when ever she's in KL. She hugged Papa and cried her lungs out. "Mak dah tak ada" "Mak dah tak ada" was all she said. She's the youngest and the closest so she felt really sad knowing that she's no longer live. 

After discussing, semua setuju untuk kebumikan arwah nenek after zohor so that everyone sempat balik and bagi penghormataan terakhir. Anak-anak nenek duduk jauh jauh, and alhamdulillah semua balik kecuali her son yang sakit terlantar memang tak boleh datang. Dari Kuantan, Johor and KL semua balik. Cucu cucu pun balik, also cicit cicit arwah. Some ada yang tak dapat balik sebab dekat U or mmg tak boleh balik. Amy pun balik from Kuantan. She nearly tak dapat tengok arwah nenek langsung and it saddens me a lot. Tapi alhamdulillah masa nak kebumi Amy sempat tatap and cium arwah nenek for the last time. 

After all, it was a great experience that I got to bathe her for the last time, kafankan dia with cousins yang lain. Masa arwah nenek hidup pun I did things for her that will stay in my memories forever. Mandikan, sikatkan rambut, bedakkan, pakai baju, tukar pampers, suapkan nasi, everything. Just everything. I am too blessed to be given these kinds of opportunity. Nenek selalu cakap, in this big family, tak ada seorang pun yang jadi doktor. Semua belajar tinggi tapi tak ada yang jadi doktor. Nanti senang lah kalau sakit, ada doktor dlm family. And I always said to her, "Tya nak jadi doktor, nek." "Nanti dah besar Tya jadi doktor untuk nenek". It has been my dream to be a doctor and she is one of the reasons why I want to be one. But now that she's gone, without sempat tgk one of us tunaikan harapan dia, makes me even sadder. 

Whatever happens, we should just redha. Maybe because of that too, I didn't cry that much that day. But that night, I couldn't help my tears. I kept on thinking of her. Mama noticed that I was still awake so she asked why didn't I sleep yet. I burst out. "Sabar, baca alfatihah banyak banyak" was all she said. I didn't know satu rumah dgr that I cried when everyone in the house asked wether I'm okay or not the next day. 

Every living soul shall taste death. We all know that. Even if I cried an ocean, she wouldn't come back. Only, it was too shocking for us all. She was not sick at all. She was all well. She had high blood pressure but it was under control. According to Mak Wan who lived with her for about 12 years already, she just had difficulties to cough that night before she's gone. She died in her sleep. I am so grateful that she died with ease. 

Semua yang terjadi, ada hikmahnya. Pemergian arwah nenek mengumpulkan kami anak-beranak. As I said, anak, cucu, cicit arwah semua balik. I felt like raya all over again. Raya pun tak ramai macam ni. I felt happy, somehow, but sad in the same time. Bila dah jadi mcm ni, baru semua ingat nak balik kampung. Arwah nenek sangat berharga dalam hidup semua orang. Everyone loves her. 

But anyhow, I still can't believe it all happened. Up until now, I have to keep reminding myself that she's gone. I miss her already. Last night, masa nak bertolak balik KL, we hugged everyone and they said, "balik lah kampung selalu" bcs we all know, we have no one to look forward to. Selalunya balik kampung, our main objective was, nak jumpa nenek. But what will happen next? None of us have any idea. It was really sad though. 

To everyone who still have grandparents, love them, take care of them, look after them. You never know when is their turn to leave, to meet The Creator. If I knew it was my last time seeing her alive, I'd kiss her a thousand times more, I'd hug her a lot tighter. But I didn't. I regretted that. 

Rokiah @ Rakiah Binti Bachik @ Achik. 
1926- 2014, 88 years old. 

13 February 2014, 4.12 am. 

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