Monday, February 27, 2017


Two, zero. IM 20 GUYS!!! Honestly I dont know what to feel. Should I be excited, scared, worried, happy? My feelings are all mixed up I might cry out of overwhelmed-ness. Being 20 is hugeee, my age does not carry the word teen no more. I feel like a real adult. I am an adult now, aint I? For the past few months whenever I think of my birthday, and that I'll be turning 20 this year, I started to think of the responsibilities and the countless things I want to achieve. 

It's really different this time, you know. It's not just another birthday. This date carry a truckload of things I need to start taking seriously. I started to seriously map out my life, what I want, what I hope to avoid, what do I prioritize and what to not prioritize. At this age, I don't want to go around wasting my time anymore. I started to think, is this how it feels turning 20? I'm anxious, to be really frank. I'm scared that I'm not ready to face life with me having the full responsibility for what will happen. Whether the outcome will be good or bad, whether I'll be happy or otherwise, or whether I'll be successful in this path or not. It's up to me. I get to decide things, and that scares me. I can't blame anyone but myself if I ended up in the place I never want to be in. 

Turning 20 also makes me realize that it's okay to lose some friends. People grow, we find our own paths, we get to decide to stay or to move on. Nothing really lasts. Sometimes people grow fonder to each other, and some other times they grow apart. And that's life. Nothing is permanent and we can't help it but to go with the flow. We get sad, yes, but there will always be new friends that you'll meet along the way. I know I will.

Looking back, I learned a lot. Life's really interesting and it's wonderful how our lives work. I wouldn't want to change anything even if I got the chance to. This life molded me to be who I am today and it's preparing me for the future. I'm excited to know what the future has in stock for me. I have a lot of hopes and dreams that I wish will come true one day. As for now, I'll just have to try as hard as I can to achieve them bit by bit. In the end, it's all up to Him. I can plan out my life, but His plans are ultimate. The best of plans. 

I'll pray that He'll give me enough time in this world for me to repay all of my parents' kindness, love, care and sacrifices. Above all, I'm grateful to be given the chance to celebrate another birthday, with the presence of the people I love. Thank you Ya Allah, for all the blessings you have showered upon me for the past 20 years even when I don't deserve them.

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