It's well over a month since coming back now, and I have not gone a day without thinking about the sacred places -- Madinah and Mekah -- wishing to go back soonest I can.
I get it now why people who have been there, would not be able to move on from it. I don't think there is a way to truly capture what it's like to be there. Words fail, there's only purely feelings. Even then, most times you can't accurately describe a feeling. Now, every time I see someone wishing to go for Umrah, I would say 'amiin' to it, hoping Allah would invite them too. I like every Umrah content I see, get teary eyed and cry watching them as both my eyes and my heart now recognises the place.
I have wished for Umrah since I was maybe 16 years old. I was young, but I have the heaviest wish to perform Umrah. I obviously had absolutely no funds to go, and my parents have just enough for them both. Alhamdulillah, at least my parents went. I kept the dream since, sometimes the longing gets so intense, at times I forgot about it. I am not always on track with my faith, as my iman goes up and down too. There were also time I neglected that dream because I know ladies can't go alone without mahram. I am not married, and my dad already went. It would take a lot more money to have my dad go with me too. So it never became fruition, this long dream of mine.
Until a few years back Saudi government allow ladies to go without mahram. Then I thought, this is the perfect chance! I just started working at the time, I just need to save money. And now going without mahram would not be an issue anymore. I met a friend who went alone (but he's a guy) and he told me, 'Pergi sendiri je Tya, tak payah tunggu siapa-siapa." But still, it stayed just a dream, a whispered prayer, a silent plea for me to be able to go. It got even louder after two of my best friends Mimi and Sarah, went for Umrah themselves. I yearned for it.
Fast forward to last year, when I looked around and reassessed my life (and I've mentioned a bit too many times how 27 was a turning point in my life in numerous ways), I thought to myself - What kind of life do I actually want to live? Who do I want to be and what kind of value do I want to offer? I have everything I want in my life, but what have I done with it? It was then, that the intense desire to go for Umrah came rushing back. I told my sister that I wanted to go, for real. It's not just a wish anymore, I need to take real actions. Survey packages, book a spot, start paying, all the things.
That was what we finally did. We started looking through a few travel agencies, asking for rates, checking our calendars - which month and date would be the best to go. We ended up choosing summer, musim panas and non-school holidays and paid booking fees in December 2024. It was cheaper and we have at least 7 months to save up and prepare. It took months, it wasn't easy, truly. We were tested - our Umrah date got moved, twice! From July to August. And we needed to add more money for the package fees. But all I could think of is 'if I am meant to be there, I will be there, come what may'. So I kept my faith strong and my hopes high. I was so scared of telling anyone, because what if it didn't happen? What if the plan fell through? What if I won't have enough funds to fully pay the package? What if Allah still would not invite me yet?
I know, I know - I was thinking negatively about Allah when He can make anything possible. Making du'a after putting effort was all I have left.
Month after month, the anticipation looming over both me and my sister. We were both excited, nervous, pinching ourselves, sharing TikTok videos on the daily on what to prepare and places to visits. The excitement was unbearable. We received a bunch of well wishes from family and close friends, them making du'a for us to have a smooth journey, and for us to have Umrah mabrur. It was a special time, truly. A lot of learning, improving, reflecting, preparing. Alhamdulillah. Writing this down is truly a way for me to preserve this memory forever.
I would not be able to write my whole Umrah experience in this entry, as it would be too long to do so. But I do want to emphasize on what I've learnt through the process of going and preparing - which is to set the right intention, put your best effort, pray really hard and tell Him you really want to go, trust me - He will see you through it. I had days where I wonder how am I going to afford paying the full amount. But Alhamdulillah I managed, but none of it would be possible without His help.
I pray everyone who reads this that has intention or wish to go, will one day get to experience Umrah with your loved ones too. Amin.
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