It has been a little over six months exactly since I came back from that memorable Umrah trip. Will I ever shut up about it? Probably never. Not until I am able to return, and I will have new material to talk about, new experiences, unique to the trip. Half a year since Umrah and I am finally sitting down to write all there is to say about the whole journey from my reason to go in the first place, the preparation, my experience while being there and the post-Umrah takeaways. It will be long, but I will try to make it as digestible as I possibly can. This is more for my own documentation, but I hope it would at least benefit some of you who may be planning to go.
What made me want to go for Umrah?
I’ve mentioned this in the previous Umrah entries, that this has been a dream of mine since I started my hijrah journey. At the time I didn’t understand the real meaning behind Umrah, I just wanted to go as going for Umrah means I am doing hijrah the right way. I was young, naive, and did not know any better. Years went by, I had my ups and downs in my own journey. The thought of performing Umrah was just there, like a humming sound in the background, sometimes unnoticeable but always there. Alhamdulillah, the longing came back crushing in late 2023 when my best friend Mimi went, and been poking at me since. My other best friend Sarah went in late 2024, which was the catalyst for me to finally book a spot.
Finding the right package
Years of putting it off, we -- my sister Amy and I -- decided to plan it, for real. We've got our parents' blessings to go on our own so we began looking through the packages available. We looked through affordable but trusted travel agencies and decided on Tiram Travel. There were mixed reviews about them, but none of them were truly bad. Just preferences, I guess. In total, the package was RM6,999. All inclusive, full board meals for 3x a day. We flew with AMAL by MAS, and the hotels were very near to the Masjids, for both in Madinah and Makkah. As a first timer with nothing to compare to, I think it was a very good package. We initially meant to go for an earlier date in July, but things got in the way, we were then destined to fly on 10th August. One of the best day of my life. Just thinking back on that day makes me emotional.
The preparations
While still pinching ourselves, not believing this is real, we start preparing for it. Materially and spiritually. We took 2 vaccines (wajib) for influenza and Meningococcal. Clothes wise, we did not buy much. Alhamdulillah, Mama and Sarah loaned their stuff from their Umrah trips. Mama went twice and have enough socks, tudung, mini telekung for us both to share. We attended the kursus required, feeling absolutely overwhelmed by the whole thing. We both kept looking at each other, eyes watery, we're not even on the plane yet, but we are washed with so much gratitude already.
Knowledge wise, we took advise from the kursus to start learning a few prayers like solat jenazah and solat jumaat. Everyone around advised us to do loads of solat taubat before leaving, as well frequent tahajjud. The preparation was a sweet memory in itself. I remember waking up in the early hours, knowing I stood up to seek forgiveness and for our Umrah journey to be protected, blessed and made easy. He granted all of it.
I also seek opinions from people online if I should take pills to ensure I don't get my menses while I am there. I received so many replies, which I am very grateful for and nearly all of them advised to just take it. So I did. I took sunolut for 14 days, 3 times a day. The most discipline I have been with medicines because I was so scared I would mess it up! No time for mistakes! I set alarm to ensure I remember to take it, calculating what time I should be taking them in Malaysia, and the hour I should be taking in Saudi, keeping the gaps consistent. It was all maths. I thought my menses would be messed up after taking pills, but it was all fine. I notice slight difference in cycle length, but it was all normal after two cycles.
Madinah Al munawarrah
We landed in Madinah first on 10th August. We landed at night, around maghrib time. I knew it would be warmer in August. It is known to be non-peak season for Umrah because of its 'cuaca panas'. I was somewhat prepared for it, and I thrive better in warmer climates vs cold climate anyways. But as soon as the warm air hits my skin, the moment I stepped out of the airport, I looked over to my sister, thinking in my head "Oh wow, I am here, and it is warm" It's the warm like I've never experienced before. Imagine hairdryer-directed-to-your-face kind of warm. But it's nice, it means I am not dreaming, I was really walking on Madinah soil.
Madinah was truly breathtaking. It's bustling with people, but it's peaceful. Since we arrived around maghrib time, we did not manage to catch both Maghrib and Isyak at the masjid to settle check-ins and dinner. Which means, the next day Subuh would be our first trip to the masjid. When I tell you I was so excited for Subuh that morning, it was the moment I have been waiting for. We walk over to the masjid, with Amy and our roommate, we call her Mami -- a lovely middle aged woman that became our roommate throughout our stay in Madinah.
I remember the first step I took into the compound of the masjid uttering 'bismillah' under my breath, feeling like I could choke on my sob. And the feeling entering the actual masjid? Indescribable but I was busy trying to slip myself in between people, fighting for a spot right beside the door, and soon the door closed, masjid was full, we barely made it. There was still about 50 mins to Subuh time. We sat down, and I looked around in complete disbelieve. These were the columns and beams I only ever saw on sejadahs, in pictures and on TV. But now I am here, in this masjid, waiting for azan Subuh. I stood up for sunat prayers and tears just streamed down. I looked over to another woman, she was wailing, probably with gratitude too. It was not easy to be here, at least not for me. Money did not come easy, and I could not believe He made this happened.
The days in Madinah were filled with the same feeling, bewildered by the view, the sky that was constantly ombre, the birds that chirps, stream of worshippers going in and out of the masjid. I thought I was crying enough, until I was in Rawdah.
Getting into Rawdah was something I was not prepared myself for. It was not the standing or the queuing, but it was the weird behaviour of people all around the world, that tested me greatly. They have zero sense of waiting for your turn, not even the concept of queuing. Too many people cut lines, but all you can do was to remain your composure. Keep your head down and istighfar. Because you know deep down, if you're back in Malaysia and you see this kind of behaviour you would call them out, probably pick a fight. But you couldn't, if you're mad, they can't understand you anyway. Our slot for Rawdah was at night, 10.40pm. I was dead exhausted by that time because I had been up since 3.30am to get the best spot for Subuh. It was challenging. But the anticipation of getting into one of the best places on Earth was enough to keep my knees upright and my feet steady. This is the place Rasulullah would describe as Gardens of Paradise.
I was nervous to go in, not having any clue how the whole space looks like. But we were told which spot would be the "original" Rawdah. What signs to look out for, so we'd know we are at the right spot. As we march into the Rawdah, I felt like my heart immediately recognised it. I lurched to the front, taking Amy's hand with me, running and dragging her to the spot our Mutawwif had earlier described. We took our spot and I immediately get into sujud, knowing my time started ticking. I don't have much time before the female guards asks us to leave.
I got onto my knees, my head on the ground and tears started to fall. Heavy, fat streams of tears. I had no words, only cries. I was wailing like I never done before, not in sujud. It felt as if I laid all of my hurt and all the weights I had been carrying, coupled with the immense, insurmountable gratitude that I had in my heart. All of the doa I had planned, all gone. I forgot what I wanted to ask. Hoping my tears and cries able to speak for them instead. I stood up in prayers after, praying 2 rakaats, and spent more time in sujud again. Came out of Rawdah, eyes swollen, but my heart a pound lighter.
Makkah Al-Mukarramah & performing Umrah
After 4 days in Madinah, we made our move to Makkah. We rode the bus, a journey that took almost 6 hours. The journey humbled me in a few ways; 1) The roads in Saudi was really in between desert terrain. There were nothing to see but sands. I reflect back to the Prophet Muhammad's sirah about his own hijrah, and thought how difficult it must've been to be on camels for days on end. 2) Their RNR was really humble in comparison to ours? Phew, ours are so so far advanced and well equipped. They have food stalls, fruits, toilet and surau. Even their surau is not like ours. Very basic and bare. Just enough for you to fulfil your prayers, that's it. I was not shocked, but it thought me to be grateful for our own facilities.
Reaching Makkah, it was late evening, we knew we could not reach Masjidil Haram for Maghrib prayers. Plus, it was a Friday night, which means weekends for the Arabs. People from all around Makkah came down to perform Umrah so traffic was bad too. From inside the bus, the moment I saw the Clock Tower from afar, I had chills. I don't know how do I explain all if it without repeating myself multiple times because at this point, I am short of words to express myself. My vocabulary is limited. Just know that I was in tears, in disbelief and I felt very very small in that moment, in the middle of a sea of humans -- some in cars already in their ihrams while others walking miles and miles for a single purpose; performing Umrah. The kind of belonging that Muslims would understand. A shared purpose.
We arrived at our hotel and checked in, freshen up to gather again for our first Umrah. I was so nervous for many reasons. We were warned there will be many pilgrims that night, so crowd would be larger than normal. It was my first time into masjidil haram, I have no idea what to expect. New places always put me in high alert. I was also scared I would lost track of my sister, not knowing where to go altogether. It was many worries. There was a Kakak (our roommate in Makkah) that advised me to rely solely on Allah. "Baca hasbunallahi wanikmal wakeel, InshaAllah Allah jaga" was what she said. I obeyed.
The first look at the Kaabah, was not like what I expected. I felt nothing, just utter awe. I wasn't crying, I was too on high alert, making sure I was did not lose my group to even think of crying. I was focused on my Mutawwif, listening to his advice and instructions, as we about to start doing our first Umrah. we performed our 2 rakaats, and started our tawaf. It was the first and only time we did our tawaf at night, there were more people at night because it was cooler compared to daytime. I was cruising along our first Umrah, looking at our Mutawwif's head the whole time, not wanting to lose sight of him. Clutching Amy at my sight. We completed first Umrah around midnight. One of the firsts to complete. Tawaf was fine, but saie was the real challenge. But nonetheless, Alhamdulillah it was done.
The next morning we came back early for tawaf sunat and Solat Jumaat, it was then the tears started to fall. It was then I was able to appreciate Kaabah, stood firm in the middle of the masjid. I stared at it long enough, appreciating the view. I was able to truly be in the moment, walked each step of tawaf with deep sense of gratitude. Saying all of the doa I have prepared from home, hoping they would be heard all the way up in the heavens.
Days that followed after, I get more and more comfortable with walking around Makkah and masjidil haram. I was able to walk freely, no longer in high alert for anything. I have never felt so safe in a foreign place. Because truth is, it was never foreign in the first place. Tawaf wada' was the hardest to do. Amy suggested we go in the morning after Subuh, and we leave around 2PM. I was protesting because I thought it was too early to do tawaf wada'. I was refusing to believe my time was up, we would be leaving Makkah soon. The sunat prayer after completing tawaf wada', I wept, I was not ready. I would miss this way too much. And I did missed it tremendously, I still do to this day. Walking out of masjidil haram for the final time was the hardest, heaviest steps I have ever taken. I kept looking back at Kaabah, wishing I had more time to stare at it.
Post Umrah
Now, after 6 months, I look back in so much fondness and longing to go back, to return. It's true what people say, and I understand it now, how one can't seem to move on from that holy land once they have visited. In my deepest heart, no place is worth visiting, but this two most sacred ones. Someone asked me after I returned, "What has changed for you?" Everything. From inside out. But mainly, my reliance on Allah. None of these would be possible if not of His mercy, and is kindness for me. I don't deserve it, but He is kind enough to grant it. Now I walk the earth wishing to be transported back to August, in Makkah and Madinah.
As if Allah is trying to pacify my longing, ever since coming back, people I follow on Instagram, one by one went for Umrah and shared pictures and stories too, I didn't get to "miss" seeing Kaabah or the green dome cause I see it all the time through others. I pray and wish to return soon, hopefully with bigger purpose, Hajj. Amin.
