DAY 28

What is your favourite thing about Friday nights right now?

Knowing that the weekend is here! Every Saturday we would go and gather with Mum's family and honestly I've been doing that for 21 years now and I still get all excited to meet them. Every week guys, without fail. 

It's the end of the challenge(?)! I don't even know it is a challenge or what but I made it! I have completed the questionnaires (skipped a few days, but still). Thank you for actually coming back everyday and read every entry, I truly appreciate it. 

I will write again soon 😊

DAY 27

How are you feeling today?

I feel absolutely great. I turn 21 today, alhamdulillah. I can still remember my entry last year when I turned 20, I freaked out and I had so many feelings about turning 20. Adulthood really is something, or maybe it was just me. I just felt like I had to achieve as much as I can in my 20s and I felt really pressured by it. 

Fast forward a year later (today), when I look back, I actually feel like I've been handling it well. I am happy that I get to achieve everything I wanted when I first turn 20, I wrote about it too. My life as a 20-year-old lady sailed smoothly, alhamdulillah for that.

I am a year older now, hopefully a lot wiser. Today has been so good ever since the clock strikes 12 am. Received wishes from friends from school, foundation, degree, my housemates, the girlfriends, my family.. Some of the wishes touched my heart, I felt so so loved. 

Received a surprise bouquet of chocolates too! It was really funny to think about it because I have never received such thing.. I was left in shock for a good 30 minutes guys, I'm not even kidding. I felt really happy and grateful to be having kind souls in my life. I must've done something right in the past to be blessed with you people. 

My hope this time around is for me to be a better version of myself in every aspect there is. To be wiser in making decisions as what we do today, will determine our life years to come. Always be careful with my words, my actions. To speak only when necessary as words kill, and if you have nothing good to say, remain silent. I aspire to be kinder to everyone around me, to appreciate their presence a lot more, and to always make them feel like they are important to me, because they really are. 

Thank you to those who wished me, made time to call, sent me long birthday wishes, posted ig story dedicated for me, you guys made me happy today. It's true when people say, it's the thought that counts. No fancy things are needed, this is more than enough. God just gives me more and more reasons to be grateful for, when He brings you guys into my life. You guys know you who are 💘

DAY 26

What are three things in this past month that you're thankful for?

1. Mum and Aunt went back home safely from performing Umrah.

2. My small but precious circle of girlfriends. 

3. The way I was raised by my parents. I truly believe who I am today is the outcome of their didikan. 

May I add another;

4. For all the life lessons I've learnt throughout this month. Wallahi it has been eye-opening.

DAY 25

What are three things from this past month that have been surprising?

1. My results. I expected the worst (learnt from experience), but alhamdulillah it turned out to be better than I expected.

2. The gossips of the entertainment world. Not gonna mention what are those.. 

This place must be clean and positive LOL

3. The other day I lay it on the line to someone regarding something. I was trying to be frank and surprisingly that person take it with an open heart. It went well, I obviously thought it would end badly though...

DAY 24

What are you watching on television these days?

Keeping Up With The Kardashians. 

Godddd, I love them.

DAY 23

What made you laugh today?

I don't think I laughed today that is significant enough for me to remember, I laughed and giggled to Amy's goofiness and that's it. It was all serious today as we went and visit my other uncle in the hospital and went back still talking and discussing about him. 

DAY 22

What's something that you're currently excited about?

I have two;

1. Me turning 21.

2. Entering semester 4 in a week.

DAY 20

What is family life like right now?

Alhamdulillah very good. My family isn't big, and our age gap are not that far among us sisters. We are very close to each other, tak jumpa kejap pun dah rindu. We are all so hyped everytime Mum comes back home from work. My parents are doing well alhamdulillah but I am a little concern of their health. They are getting older, obviously and I am not always at home (except for right now because I'm on semester break) as I practically live in Shah Alam now.

My Dad is not as strong as he was before, he has hyperthyroid that makes him lose sleep, sweats a lot and has trembling hands. All of that made him lost some weight. Other than that, he's fine but it really worries me to see him sigh if he doesn't feel right with his body. My Mum on the other hand selalu sakit kaki lah, lenguh everywhere, senang dapat batuk/selsema and being the woman she is at her age, sakit sikit-sikit like that makes her sooo tak larat nak buat anything at all. It drives me crazy, I'm always worried sick. But alhamdulillah, everything is under control, and they are considered healthy still.

My eldest sister is in Ipoh, she lives there with her husband. They come back here quite often and we would always communicate via whatsapp. Amy & I are studying Shah Alam, only the two of us are always around. Amy would ulang-alik Kajang-Shah Alam everyday. I would try my best to go back to Kajang every week because I know how sunyi this house is with just the three of them. Dyna pulak in UTM, Skudai JB. She comes back once a month or whenever necessary.

Grateful for them all 💖

DAY 19

What is something that frustrates you?

I don't get frustrated often, very rarely, actually. There are things that can frustrate me so much but I have been thinking since yesterday of what would it be? I can't even come up with ONE. Even if I do get upset and frustrated with something, I would get over it by the next day. 

DAY 18

What do you see outside your bedroom window?

I see a scorching hot day. OMG the heatttttttttttt. Other than that, I can see my neighbour's window.

DAY 17

What are you struggling with the most right now?

I'm on semester break, I have no worries. 

.

.

.

.

Ok maybe just one -- clearing up my skin. HAHA

DAY 16

Describe a moment from today that you want to remember always.

I'm sorry this post goes up late. I was away for two days, my family and I went to JB for two days, so that's why. On the 16th, we went and visit my uncle from Dad's side at the hospital. He was admitted, he is suspected to have dengue.

On previous entry I said Papa is a family oriented person, today I want to say how lucky he is to be getting Mama as his wife. Looking at Mama and how she accepts Dad's family and treat them like her own, amaze me. I can say that family belah Papa if anything happens, akan cari Mama dulu. She will be the person people first contact, and not my dad. How weird, but yes. That's how Mum is well-accepted into the family.

At the hospital I was touched to see Mum's concern look at my uncle as she sits on a chair right beside his bed. Dad was beside me talking to his anak buah, across both of them. I aspire to be exactly like Mama, she's the ultimate example of 'when you marry a man, you marry his whole family'.

DAY 15

How has life changed for you in the last year?

Hi! I'm sorry that I skipped a few days just because I have nothing to say and the questions are too boring for me to answer, let alone for you guys to read lol *yawn*. 

Life hasn't changed that much in the last year but I do experience new things that I surprisingly love. First of all, I joined silat olahraga for my kokorikulum in university. Initially I felt dreaded that I had to choose silat because I was not into it and never had interest in it. Other clubs were full and I followed my two other friends who also joined silat so I thought I would enjoy it at least a wee bit. But, surprisingly I love it. I enjoyed every class because I had amazing cikgu, he's so funny he make my day every week & I always have a good time at silat practice. I instantly fall in love with silat, it literally changed my perspective on silat.

Silat level II however was a tad bit stressful. I was the secretary for silat and we had to plan an event so it was a lot of work. We had meetings, reports to be done, letters to be made and sent out. In the end, the event didn't even happen. All of the hard work and time spent gone to waste, but I honestly didn't mind it though because all of that work, taught me so much. I now know how to do official letters and stuff. Silat had been testing my capabilities in so many areas that I never thought I'm capable of doing. 

Secondly, I learnt not to generalize people. I used to say all law students act a certain way and they are all the same. It's the kind of generalization I have in my mind since foundation days ok don't blame me. Thennnn, God is the best of planners, He put me in a house with 6 law students. Yeap, sekali enam Dia bagi. I was surprised, yet again. They are all nice, decent, funny people. I'm way too lucky to be getting them as my housemates. They are all hardworking peeps too. I felt like final exams weren't as stressful because I have them. We struggled together, stayed up and motivate each other. Gahhhh, I love them.

Lastly, I realize that you cannot force love. It happens when it happens. No matter how close you are to that person, or how much time you give. Doesn't matter how much attention that person gives you, or how kind that person is to you. Never let it grow out of pity, it will not last. And when it really happens, you will never have to question if the feeling is real ever again. If you do, then that's not love. 

DAY 10

What do you usually do when you feel sad or down?

I let myself to feel sad. Because it can be healing. I would listen to sad songs, acknowledge my sadness. I would tell someone about it sometimes but rarely though. I will make sure I get over it by the next day.

DAY 9

What were you scared of when you were little?

My parents.

DAY 8

What do you remember about falling in love for the first time?

Ok honestly I don't remember when did I first fall in love because I started having a crush on someone since standard 4? lol I know... but we only got 'close' with each other two years later. And I realized that my relationships gotten more and more serious after that. So, when and with who that I really "fall" in love with for the first time, I'm really not sure because I was so young and foolish to call it love so I guess it started with just a crush on that person. Huge one, LOL.

 I had a few relationships yang I feel really invested in and each one gave me different things to remember and lessons to take from. This is really embarrassing to share but I will do it anyway because like I said, I'm an open book here, and this place is VERY close to my heart. If you know me for a long time, you'd probably know who are these people (of course no name will be mentioned).

The first one is my first crush EVER. Note that I was in girls school for one whole year and I only have sisters. I never thought I was able to like a guy that much, I really liked him, guys. For quite a long time pulak tu! He was my close guy friend in primary school and I was the person he turned to when he likes a girl, so he wants to share it with me. Awal awal layan je la when he say he likes this girl yada yada (note that we were in primary, i know i know) but thennnn, I realized, I like him. After that his stories started to annoy me and I just wanted it to stop. When it didn't work out for him and whoever the girl was; I was happy. Fast forward two years later, the feelings were mutual. Something got in the way, he got into boarding school, we were back to being just friends. 

The second one is the first guy I cried for. Up until now I only cry for two guys, and I can literally count with one hand how many times I did. I hardly cry, ever. So it was really something that shocked me too when I cried for him. With him I learn that exes can be friends. Good friends. He is now one of my good guy friends. I know not many agree with being friends with exes but honestly, I have good relationships with ALL of my exes. I don't have bad blood with any of them. 

The third one was the first to pass a year. Funny is that, we were neighbours and our fathers are really good friends, even until now. It was awkward but also a good thing that our parents knew that we were together. With him I learn to love all of him. I love his family, I know all of them, I was close to his little sister. With him, I learn to love his strengths and weaknesses. To accept someone as a whole, and not only the good part. He saw me at my best and at my worst. He was with me through sickness and health. I was with him when I first wear hijab and he was very happy for it, it made me feel whole. He was also there when I was hospitalized and had surgery. It was really another perspective in love, and I am still very much grateful I met him.

The last, my longest relationship. I realize love can happen when you least expected, and relationship is so much more than just love between two people. With him, I shared the most. I felt like I know most of him, what he loves and what he hates and I told him mine. He was good to my sisters and always ingat Mama when he travels. He would buy souvenirs for me and Mama. I knew and loved his friends, he also appreciate my friends and treated them like his own. His group of friends and mine became good friends when we started dating. I learn to fight for love, to do what it takes to keep us together. I was completely serious about us though. After him, I told myself to never settle for less. I couldn't think of any other guy that I would fall for next, because for three whole years, it was just him. 

I know some might think that four exes are a lot, but I regret none. I may have made mistakes in my life but these are the learning process for me to make better of myself and not everyone is able to experience this. All of them now are in my circle of friends, like I said they are good friends of mine and I am thankful that none of them had any issues with me. We accept that things don't always work out the way we wanted to, so we move on ✨

DAY 7

What are the qualities that you value in a friend?

It's like nature knows this beforehand. I have a story to tell. My best friend's father passed away earlier today. Truthfully, I knew this day would eventually come, that one of us would lose a parent. However when I received the news, I couldn't believe it. It was nearly 2 am when I got the message and I wasn't asleep yet. I sat in disbelieve for a moment, thinking 'it's really happening'. 

As we are growing up, I know and realize that our parents are getting old too, I know we will get here, one day. I know very well that I will experience the loss of my best friend's loved ones, if not my own. But God, I was not ready for this. I love my best friends, they are like my own family. Their family are like mine too. 

We went to her father's funeral and went back to her house for tahlil afterwards. I couldn't think of anything else other than to be there for her, to comfort her when she needs it, and to help as much as we possibly can. I'm so grateful that most of us can be there for her as we are on semester break/finished diploma already. In the midst of helping out, I thought to myself, would I still have them when my time comes? When I need them one day? We are 21 this year, having responsibilities in our plate now, most probably busier in the future, so life can get in the way when I want them around..

You see, I value my best friends and the qualities they carry with them. Seeing what happened today, made me realize that they are truly one in a million. I may not get any other friends like them. I know I can count on them, and I know they would be there for me to fall back on to. They are the place I can share my happiness with and they would be happy with me, the place and I can vent out to and they would listen, the place I can cry to and they would cry with me. Today is the day I really feel like we've shared happiness and sadness. Together.

And to you my best friend, you've showed me an incredible strength and patience. I might not be able to be half as calm as you were today. I love you, please know that we are here always, if you ever need us 💖

DAY 6

Where do you want to live when you are old?

Honestly, I don't know. I have never thought I would actually get there, you know what I mean.

I always feel like I would die before I'm able to get old.... But hopefully somewhere quiet, most probably not in KL or Kajang. 

DAY 5

How are you feeling about this year?

Honestly I don't know what to expect. I only hope for the best. Like any other years, I set goals and try to achieve them, create memories, make friends, work my way to excel my studies, and that's it. Only that, I'm turning 21 this year and MAN I FEEL OLD. I need to figure my life out and work my butt off to get where I want to be. Pressured.

DAY 4

Write down five things about your father that you always want to remember.

1. Very discipline in terms of taking his medicines. 

This is one thing that I wish I could take from him. He always ingat when to take his ubat without anybody reminding him. Even when dia rasa sihat, he would still take his meds as prescribed. 

2. Never picky when it comes to food. 

I think I have this too. I admire how he's always tak kisah whats for dinner ad would eat whatever that is being served. He also has the best eating etiquette. He takes the nearest lauk first, and tak makan excessively. And if he thinks the food tak sedap, he would still eat it. He'll say it only after he's done eating. "Tak sedap la this food." We would laugh because hello??? dah habis apa yang tak sedapnya... But that's just him yang tak suka membazir. 

3. A family oriented person. 

Both of my parents are but with Dad, he's different a bit. He has the biggest family ever. I can't even keep up. He would make time to visit his relatives, aunties, uncles, anak buah baru bersalin, almost ALL weddings there are, ziarah if ada anybody passed away even if the place is an hour plus away. He remembers them all. Belah arwah nenek and arwah atuk both family besar that I would ask everytime; "ni belah siapa, Pa?" Tak pernah ingat. I feel somewhat pressured to continue this after he's gone (nauzubillah). I respect how he appreciates his family yang tinggal and still care to visit. What a noble act.

4. A loving father.

My dad still hugs and kisses me when we meet, or when I'm going away nak keluar or nak balik Shah Alam. I know tak ramai fathers yang still do this to their daughters. Salam cium tangan and that's it. He has 4 daughters and all he can do is to spoil us all with his love and he really does that. Papa suka kacau us, he would cubit us tiba tiba, percik air after dia basuh tangan or sapu air on our faces, tampar our faces (tak kuat la ofcourse manja manja one) and he would laugh when we go "ouch!!". Probably the thing I will miss the most if I move out from the house. 

5. The best listener.

I love when he would just listen to Mum's rant after work tanpa penat atau bosan because he has to listen to that literally everyday. He is a great listener and you can just say whatever, he would listen. He's not much of a talker, so his response might be short and sweet but he would just sit there and listen to you. I love it.

6. A Malay drama trash
Tetiba teringat this one very important thing about him that I want to remember forever. This part is added a day after I publish this entry, hence tetiba ada 6 things 😂 Papa is a Malay drama trash guys. He watches every drama there is. Usually dia tengok je apa yang ada dekat TV tapi bila dah start tengok, dia ikut drama tu sampai last episode. My friends know I watch Malay dramas but tapi Papa lagi teruk! Ahahahah funny to think of it.

I love so many things about you, Pa. You are definitely not the perfect Dad there is, because nobody is perfect and I have never doubt your love to us your daughters as you show us that everyday. 

DAY 3

Describe your first overseas trip and how you felt.

As sadist as it sound, I have never been overseas. 

Yep, not even once. Sabah is the farthest I've been to LOL.

DAY 2

What has been your most poignant experience with loss?

I have two. One, is when I lost my grandmothers. I was crushed both times. My grandmother on Mum's side whom I call Wan, passed away when I was in standard 5 (8.8.2008). I see her every week because Mum's side of the family have this tradition or kebiasaan that we would gather every week on Saturday. We do nothing fancy, just hang out together. So it was really strange not having her around anymore. Since I was only 11 years old at that time, I was not that close with her. To add up, she was a strict grandma, so I was more takut of her and tak manja manja with her. 

My other grandma on the other hand.... FUH I don't even know where to begin. I love her way too much. When I lost Wan, she was the ONLY grandparent I have. You know grandmother's love is one kind, and I truly feel it with her. I call her Nenek. When she passed away, the heartache was too intense. I was crushed. I felt like a piece of me was gone. She didn't have chronic disease what so ever, she was just old. She passed away in 2014. I wrote all about it in an entry, you can read it here. I was so affected by her death. Up until now, I still hope she's here with us. And I still feel awkward to say 'arwah' nenek.

The second experience is when I lost someone who meant the world to me. It was too heartbreaking I wouldn't wish it for anybody else. There is nothing left to explain here, I've said enough. I wrote about it in an entry, you can read it here. And then I felt better, I was doing better, I wrote another. 

These two are my most poignant experience with loss. 

DAY 1

Write down your fondest memories to do with a childhood pet.

I've had pets when I was growing up but it didn't last or survive for that long. I've had hamsters, cats, fishes but I've never felt a close connection with them. It didn't tear me apart when they die or when they ran away (not the fishes, they can't run lol). 

Not until we got a rabbit. We named her Perry. It was not too long ago though, about 4 to 5 years back. That's when I truly feel the love and emotional connection with a pet. We love her dearly. Bought another rabbit to mate her with. The next thing we know, we had like 6/7 rabbits. 

One thing about rabbits is that, their immune is not very good. They fall sick or even die easily if somethings not right. We had Perry the longest, she grown big and had many offspring. One day she just fell sick. We were SO sad, brought her to the vet but after we got back home, a few hours later, she died. 

I've never cried over the lost of a pet before, but I cried hard when she died. Couldn't bare any more loss, we stopped having any pet since then. 

Obviously not the fondest story, this is tragic.