Day #28

What is a mistake people make about you?

Always something to do with my face. Or it is because of my face. People often mistaken me as someone snobbish and unfriendly OR someone garang. 

To be fair, I would admit that I am somewhat "garang" but truthfully I am just strict. I can be playful and all but when it comes to something important I would automatically change into someone strict and stern. It is just my personality. However, I tend to berkerut all the time so it would just show that I am snobbish, unbothered, and can't be touched. And I totally understand why people are so afraid to approach me because if I were to be in your shoe, I would too.

But my face is something that I cannot change. The only way is just by getting to know me. My resting face is like that. Macam nak marah je sentiasa. I berkerut almost all the time and I did not realize that I do. Dyna said I even berkerut in my sleep! Sheesh.

Favourite movie

A heck lot. Some of them are:

We are Family (Hindi)

The Great Gatsby

Confession of a Shopaholic

Flipped

Legally Blonde

Mean Girls

&

Movies with Rebel Wilson in it 

Turned 22 - A Gratitude post

I just turned 22. Twenty-two. It feels surreal and overwhelming, both at the same time. I woke up yesterday feeling so so grateful for the life I have, for I was given another birthday to celebrate. I always feel a little sentimental when my birthday comes mainly because I always reflect on life. 

This birthday especially I am most grateful of. I saw my life turned so  much in the past year and if you have read my entry on 2018, you would know how 2018 went for me. Looking back, those trials made and shaped me into the person I am today. And for that I am so thankful.

I spent my birthday yesterday around my family that I love so much. Kakak and Imaan went back to Subang on Tuesday just in time for my birthday. I missed Imaan so much I was SO happy she was there on my birthday. Seeing her for the first time when they picked me up from work two days ago felt so surreal! We video called almost every night so I usually see her in my telephone screen. Being able to hold and cuddle her felt like a dream. And I'm not exaggerating this at all.

For the past few days I realized how lucky and blessed I am, so this post is me stating the things I am grateful for so the next time I feel like life is grey, I can come back and be reminded that life will turn around and things will get better. 

Gratitude list:

1. I am grateful for my family, the people who will always be there for me, in times of health and wealth as well as in times of bad and debt.

2. I am grateful for the time I still have, to spend with the people I love and care. I still live with my family (I have no reason not to), I still see them everyday. You know how we always forget that as we grow, our parents grow old too. So I appreciate every minute I have with them. I also connect with my friends on daily basis and we always try to spare some time together.

3. I am grateful of all the love. Yesterday I felt so loved and appreciated. That's what birthdays do to you. Birthdays remind you of how many people actually love you and appreciate you even by just spending two minutes of their lives wishing you a happy birthday. Bless you guys!

4. I am grateful for the growth. In any form, in every way. Happy that I am given the chance to experience growth. 

I have always believed that the more you show gratitude, the more God will give you. It is something I have been practicing for so long and it is also a way I found helpful in coping with awful situations. I will try to look at it in the best way possible to make me feel so much better.

10 things you should do in University

Hi guys! The reason why I wanted to make this entry is because I realized how close I am to be done with my bachelor's degree. I will be done in July, InshaAllah! Through out three years and a half (foundation + degree) being a Uni student, there are a lot of things I am glad I did, but there are also things I wish I had done.

So adik-adik out there, yang hampir dapat result SPM and probably pumped to finally be a Uni student doing diploma or foundation (matriks also applied), these are the things that you can (should) do:

1. Make friends

Make loads of them. It is better that you mingle around people that has different race than you. Maybe some of you guys belajar MRSM dulu and only be around Malays, this is a great opportunity to have Chinese or Indian friends. Kalau masuk UiTM then make a lot of Malay & Bumiputera friends. Be reminded that University life is the time where you will be meeting macam macam jenis orang. Some will blow your mind of how good or ridiculous they can be. Be prepared! 😜

2. Be open minded

In Uni, like I previously has mentioned, you will be meeting a lot of people from different backgrounds, lifestyle and principles in life. Learn from them. Pick up the good and leave out the negative. Be open because not everyone is raise the same. This is when you will realize that everyone, literally everyone is different. They are unique and interesting. You will also realize how each person is sent into your life to teach you something be it through a blessing or a lesson. 

3. Get out of your comfort zone

Be crazy, go and do things you never tried. You will more or less be thrown into it anyway. Keep an eye out for great opportunities, whatever it may be. If you have never tried martial arts, go and do it. You never tried sports, try! Who knows you will love it? You wanted to try debate but too shy in school. Now is the time to do it because nobody knows you here. You are fresh and new. Learn, try. The next thing you know, everybody else is also trying.

4. Redeem yourself

If you hate your school life, make memories in University. Love University life because it is fun. Believe me, it is. As much as I value my school life, nothing can compare to my University life. I love it so much that I am actually sad that I have to let go of it soon. Same goes to if you have not been good at school, find a course that you like and kick them all in the butt. Be absolutely good at it. Everyone has the chance to, just choose wisely.

5. Build relationships

Apart from make friends, you should also built friendships. This is a little tricky because like I said, you will meet so many types of human being. Weird ones, backstabbers, annoying ones, fakers, you name it. If you get lucky, you will find people that you can click with (potentially a boyfriend too LOL). These people are worth to keep. I have a group of friends in Uni that has been with me since semester 1. I think I am lucky to be able to meet great circle that helped me so much with my studies. I swear I don't think I can get through five semesters without their help. Same goes to the people I had back in Asasi. They are true people that lifted me and drove me to better every time. A good circle of friends that resulted to friendships can help you a heck lot in getting through Uni life.

6. Focus

You can enjoy life but never be out of focus from what you want to achieve. Stay focused to your aim but in the midst of that, enjoy the ride. There will be days where you feel exhausted, done with life, wanting to quit, but hold on. If you keep your focus, you will get to the destination and all of your hard work will pay off. Don't easily be swayed from your target especially when you are having fun or in love. Use that as your drive to do and be better. I have seen people who did not do well because they had their priorities on the wrong thing and I have also seen both of the partners excel. You determine your own life. You make the choice.

7. Let go of insecurities 

I always believe that entering a new environment altogether means turning over a new leaf. Be a better you. Let go of your doubts and insecurities because it will do you no good. Stop comparing yourself to other people and stop focusing on what you cannot do and start embracing what you can do. I know being around people you barely know can be a little intimidating but always be positive. Stop thinking you are less and start believing that you are enough. In fact, you are better than your yesterday. If you think that your result is not as good as other people and that would make you insecure, stop caring about other people's result. MIND YOUR OWN. If you are insecure how other people's English is so much better than yours, trust me she feels the same with other people. You have to start pushing yourself to be better at it than condemning yourself. You will only make yourself feel bad. 

8. Make constant improvement

Continuation to the last point, try to make constant improvement. Be it your English, you communication, your self confidence, your image, your way of thinking, your Math, literally whatever it is. Constantly improving. A lot of things you can change and it starts with you. I swear by by this quote -- "Believe that you can and you're halfway there." If you believe that you can be better, you are already progressing. You just have to have faith. In yourself.

9. Be good to your teachers (lecturers)

Honestly this is something you should do even in school. Lecturers are more likely to care about your grades if they know you. If you are good with them, they will try to give you better grades. If they have no idea who you are, then they would not care as much. It is always a plus point if you can secure a good relationship with your lecturers. Everything will seem so much easier. They will be easier to be approached for questions or doubts regarding the subject. 

10. Have fun

Stop worrying and just have fun. Break lose. Stop being shy and introverted. Stop being too caught up and serious. You will have stressful days, that's for sure but in the end, you will get through it. There will be a semester that you hate so much and there will be a semester that you wish to never end. Embrace it all. Because soon enough, you will realize that you are at the end of the road. Everything will end in a blink. 

All the best to my sisters and brothers. You will do well InshaAllah ✨

Day #23

What do you miss most about your hometown?

A lot. The loving and refreshing environment I get whenever we are there is something I can never get back. I might be biased but yess I lebih rapat dengan my Mum's side of the family rather than Dad's side because I see them so often. Hometown means Dad's side because Mum's family are here in KL. 

However, even though I may not be as close to my cousins on Dad's side than to my Mum's side, I still have some cousins yang around my age and I rapat. Every time raya or balik kampung for CNY ke, we would hang out and pergi sawah dekat belakang sampai semua kena keteguran and muntah muntah. We would play football (balik kampung kan mesti la main sports lelaki 😂) sampai bola kena kepala, run around dekat belakang rumah kejar anak ayam.. I miss al of that.

Paling rindu is the person I always look forward to meet kalau balik kampung; my arwah nenek. This year, this month, marked the 5th year of her passing. I still miss her everyday of my life. 

Kampung is not the same without you Nek. We've all grown up, berkahwin and ada keluarga. Kampung is not as meriah as it once was. 

Hair colour

I wish it's pink or something but black. Haha

Day #22

What defining moments were in your childhood?

I have a lot of anxiety in me which a lot of people don't know. I realized one of it sparked/ or the first memory of having anxiety was when I was really young. I was probably 4 y/o or 5. I hate the beach. Not the sand nor the amazing view; but the sea. The open water, the waves.

I remember being so young and so scared and paranoid that I might lose my sisters because I see them mandi laut. I don't dare even being near the water. I takut. I saw Dyna mandi laut and I cried. I takut if dia lemas ke apa. I was very paranoid. Sampai sekarang I still have that anxiety everytime I am near water. Swimming pool lain cerita.

If any of you know what kind of a person I am when it comes to studies, you would know that I am an overachiever. I remember one time I dapat number 6 in my class during kinder garden and I don't like it. I kept on saying sorry to my parents and they were like "why are you saying sorry? This is good." And I was like...... "really?" Sampai sekarang I masih ada attitude sama only that I don't say sorry anymore because I know my parents are happy with whatever that I got. Blessed.

Eye colour

Dark brown like the Asian I am.

Day #21

Things that make you happy

Good food

Great company

Being around family

Some relaxing me time.

Shoe size

39

Day #20

Something you're looking forward to

In the near future; I am looking forward to do actual work (internship)

A little further into the future; I am looking forward to a lot of things -- me finishing school, probably work, probably more school (?) idk yet. But basically I am looking forward to what the future holds for me.

First thing you notice in a new person

Hardly anything. If we have a conversation then I can probably tell if I can click with that person or not. That's one thing I can predict.

Day #19

What qualities do you value in a romantic partner

Senang cerita lelaki idaman la kan.... I can write forever LOL. 

1. Some sort of anak mak because if he values and appreciate his Mum, he will know how to appreciate me and respect other women in his life.

2. Good to my Mum. No explanation needed.

3. Has a heart of gold. Kind and compassionate.

4. Ambitious, go getter as well as hard working. 

5. Has the same outlook and principal in life as I do.

6. The most important and also one thing Mama wants in a son in law - boleh jadi Imam/beriman. 

One of my guy friend said that I am choosy but I feel like this is only the bare minimum? 

What am I listening to right now

Right at this moment, I am not listening to anything. But right now generally I listen to a heck lot of Ariana Grande.

Day #18

Your first crush 

A schoolmate back in primary school. 

Do I use sarcasm

Yesss, a lot but in moderation. I hope I never offend anybody though....

Maybe I have.

Day #17

What would you do if money was no object?

Buy properties. 

Favourite food

Tomyam!!

Day #16

Your favourite books

I have not been reading a lot for the past year. I read like.....4/5? but only managed to finish one. But I know for sure I love books by Nadia Khan. She's a genius and so talented. I read all of her books. 

Favourite place 

Home - where my family is.

Day #15

Dear past me

You're not gonna be a medical doctor, I know you really wanted to. No, you did not disappoint anybody. Mum and dad is completely fine with the path you are in now. You are too, very happy with what you are doing. You're doing what you love and you are happy.

You have lost some people that you have never thought of losing. Both family members and friends. However, you definitely have gained a lot of new ones too!

You got hurt along the way but time heals, never worry.

You will be proud of what you have become as a person. You have grown so much, even your future self (me, right now) could not believe it LOL.

Favourite quote

On Islam - So do not be angry or annoyed for anything which happens to you because by the permission of Allah, it is best for you.

On life - Grow a lot. Pray often. Love more.

For women - Here's to strong women. May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.

- A woman's true beauty is in her heart, her Iman, her Taqwa & her love for the Deen. So few men understand this and fewer women do.

On Love - And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

p/s: I am three days late, sorry!

Day #12

What are your most prized possession?

My wristwatch. I got it from Mum for getting 6As for UPSR. I still have it until now. I loveeeee it so much, kalau one day it stopped working I will CRY. 

What time were I born

10-ish am. or 1030-ish.

Day #11

Are you a city or country person?

I love both but for someone who have been living in the city my whole life, I am defo a city person. 

What do I miss

I miss different things from time to time depending on the situation hahah. But currently I am missing my foundation life, my foundation friends and my niece. 

Day #8

Today's questions are rather simple; we don't have winter here so no favourite recipes and I am straight. However today I want to throwback to my day 8 entry last year! My version of Thank U, next.

tyatalks: DAY 8: What do you remember about falling in love for the first time? Ok honestly I don't remember when did I first fall in love because I...

Day #7

What personal achievement are you most proud of?

First of all, I don't want this post to come out as bragging because I am not even trying to. This is only my personal achievement that probably seem nothing for you guys. I am an overachiever. Let's just put that out straight. I hate to settle for less and be comfortable with what I achieved. I always want more. Which I know, I can do so much more.

However, my SPM result that were 7As (only) is honestly be the achievement I am most proud of. Why? 2014 was a rough year, I would say. We moved house because of financial reasons, we were broke, technically. My parents were jobless for a good few months in 2014. Not only my parents had to feed four of us, we also had my cousin with us which was also jobless at that time.

It was already amazing how we could survive at that time but to relate that to my story was, we had no money to send me to tuition classes. My mum wanted to send me though, but I refused because I know we don't have money. I told her I can do it; I basically challenged myself that. To see how would I do without all of the extra things.

With the emotional breakdowns, and all of that shebang, I pulled through and got myself that 7As that I am SO freakin proud of. I was over the moon, I still am. Even though for some, 7As are just average. I am happy and I proved myself that I am capable if I believe I can.

My best friend

My mum, my sisters, and my girly whirlies. Soon, Imaan will join the bandwagon! 

Day #6

What is your relationship like with your siblings.

We are closer than ever. Gaduh, obviously ada but we all mmg ngam. Growing up, the only time yang susah nak rapat is because of age gap. Me and my eldest are five years apart. We do have a huge age gap yang dia dah sekolah menengah, I still in primary school and when I only started high school, dia dah habis sekolah. So it was rather hard to have a good connection. 

But bila I dah form 3 mcm tu, we all got so so much closer to each other and up until now. We are unbreakable (gituuuuwwww). We have differences but we understand that we may never be identical in how we see life, in how we handle things, or even in how we think. We accept the differences and make the best out of it.

4 turns off

1. Rough guys. I hate guys yang cakap mcm nak gaduh. I like gentle guys.

2. Guy who smokes. I don't hate them, I can be friends with them no problem but I do not necessarily find them attractive. 

3. Guys who do not take life seriously. Self explanatory. You should know what you need to do at the certain age and time. 

4. Rude guys. In whatever situation and aspect. 

p/s: Not that my opinion matters, you do you but this is just a question that ask on my opinion. I hope I tak offend anybody with my answer.

pp/s: I tak suka sweet talker jugak okbye

Day #5

What object tells the story of your life?

- A pen; symbolizes my love for writing. I can write forever.

- Spectacles; I have been a specky all my life (or so I feel like)

- Books on the bookshelves; I have yet to let go my textbooks and notes from foundation years even though I don't need them anymore. I sayang my books and to me, education is everything. I want to keep hold on those books.

- A memory box; I keep a memory box that holds everything -- from birthday cards, get well soon card, love letters, family pictures, photos from my school days and a lot more small things that are sentimental to me. All of that tell the story of me growing up.

4 turns on

I will take this question as four things guys do that attracts me. So,

1. The way he treats his Mom and my Mom. I am mummy's girl so I want a guy that understands how close and manja I can be with Mama. He would, if he is also one. This is also mean that he is a family guy. 

2. Decent. In all aspect. In his speak, his dressing, the way he thinks and his akhlaq. 

3. Responsible. I suka guys yang take responsibility over whether his work, or family or just things on his plate. Orang yang responsible has my respect. 

4. Funny yang tak try hard. 

Day #4

How do you normally spend your weekends?

I always say that weekends are strictly for family. I rarely go out with friends on weekends because 1) I am just lazy. I feel like weekends are for home activities be it cleaning or just being lazy in your pyjamas all day. 2) I spend my Saturdays at Wangsa Maju which is my 'kampung'. Arwah Wan used to live there with my Aunt but now since she passed away my Aunt lives alone. So every Saturday we would all gather at that house. I feel like I have said this before. Sundays are usually spent at home doing laundry. Also, my parents usually get a heck lot of wedding invitations so I constantly (i mean it) attend weddings on weekends.

3 things I love

- Jewelries

- Wrist watch

- Notebooks, planner. I am a sucker for that.

Day #3

Your favourite childhood vacation

There are not many vacations that I can still remember vividly. I only remember events, or parts of them. My family on Mum's side go on holiday/getaway twice a year. One in the middle of the year and another would be at the end of the year. We celebrate birthdays of  all the kids, parents as well as exchanging gifts between families. To be honest all of our vacations had been the best. I always have the best times whenever I am around my big, big family. However, I would probably choose that one vacation we had in Langkawi yearssss ago; I think it was in 2007. 

Not only because it was my first time taking a flight, it was also the last vacation we had with dearest grandmother whom I call Wan. The vacation was almost cancelled because of her health condition but she insisted on going for the sake of her grandchildren yang dah so excited to go. Our apartment was on the second floor and she was on wheelchair. No elevator available so we (the Moms and the Dads) had to carry her in the wheelchair up the stairs to get home and down if we wanted to go out.

Despite all that, it was a nice memorable trip that I will keep with me forever. The next year, on 8/8/08, Wan passed away. 

3 Fears

- Height. I gayat.

- Losing my family members.

- Tikus.

Day #2

What was you first driving experience like?

I never tried driving, ever. 

Age

I will be 22 by the end of this month. 

Day #1

A lesson you have learned from you granpa

I never had the chance to meet both of my grandfathers, unfortunately. I heard stories about them. Mum lost her father when she was in University. Probably when she was 20. Even Dad didn't get the chance to meet him. Dad however lost his in 1998. I was about a year old but I obviously did not remember a thing. 

Name

Full name is Attelya Zurin binti Abdul Hamid. As in IC. I alwayssss drop 'binti' every time I write down my name. My family and my friends call me Tya. I only prefer people who are close to me to use that nickname on me or else I prefer you calling me Attelya. Formal, and appropriate.