FAQ - Why are you still single?

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?”

I get this questions a lot. Like…… a heck lot. As if it’s really weird to be 22 and single. I have my reasons and I will break it down to you in this entry. Every time people ask me this question I would just brush it off with

“Tak laku la *laughs*” or 

“Tak jumpa yang decent lagi” or just a simple 

“Tak nak kawin”

When the truth is I could say now, I didn’t think I was ready. I have been going solo every since I left school. Quick math; I am now 22 so that means I have been single four to five years. I can’t do math, lets face it. What’s important is that; five years is a long time.

Some asked me if I still can’t move on from my past relationship. To be honest, that was the case for the first two years. I took quite some time to let myself be alone, I don’t want to quickly jump into another relationship just to get over someone. That is just evil of me to do such abuse to other people. I allowed myself to be sad, I gave time to myself to heal, basically. As cliche as that sounds.

However, for the rest of the years, I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I promised myself that my next relationship will be the one I marry. Therefore, at the age of merely 20, I was sure I won’t be meeting ‘the one’ just yet. I directed my focus to something even more important at that time. I needed to get that degree. And for someone like me, I prioritize my studies so much and I wouldn’t let anything get in the way.

In another way to put it, I did not have time for a relationship. Three years of just focusing on studies, I knew I could not add more things to give attention to. Let alone another living soul who’s heart I have to take care of. I don’t think so. I hardly can keep conversation with friends, I knew I couldn’t keep a romantic relationship together. Plus I also suck at it anyway, but that’s another story for another day.

Now that I am done with degree (I have not officially say this but yes!!! I am done!), I am going to another phase of life; real adulthood. I am honestly excited to get on this take, I don’t know what the future has in store for me and I can safely say, I am ready now to get to know people that may or may not blossom into a healthy, wholesome relationship and hopefully I don't swerve anybody because apparently I am really good at that. Oopss. 

Did I just declared myself as available to date? I might just did.

When Life Hits Rock Bottom

Life isn’t always all rainbows and sunshines, sometimes its stormy and brutal. I have been gone again, for about two months. I would say the same thing all over, I was busy with stuff when truthfully, my mind wasn’t in the right state. I know how I said I only write when I'm in a good mood, when I'm all cheery and happy and positive. That’s unrealistic. I feel sad at times and my life gets tough too.

And while I was gone, life was really tough. I know I also said that I am an open book, you can read me right through and I would write about everything…. but there are also things I avoided. Actually, there were a lot of thing that I kept to myself. And today, I am not trying to tell you what happened either, I am just letting you know that sometimes I do feel low and hide behind the wall of positivity I’m now still trying to uphold.

Man, it’s easier to say 'be positive, think positive' when all you think of is how your life is about to crumble right before your eyes. You might think, “Are you dying or what now?” No, I’m not. Thankfully. But there was a time where it felt like I was about to face death. One time things felt so unbearable that it seemed like I was at a dead end. No way out.

But I can tell you one thing, being hopeful that life will turn back around is what kept me sane. I keep a smile through out those times because I was really hopeful that these were not for nothing. God is doing His thing, in His timing. I would not say that life is all good now but it has gotten so much better. I know that He listens to my cries and begs. I kept my faith high all the time -- yes, I kept my positive hat on.

I’m not trying to be a hypocrite. One second I say its hard to stay positive but another I say the complete opposite. But trust me, that was what kept me going. And I also uphold to the belief that you attract what you always think of. So think of only good, you’ll attract good.

I know all of us have gone through hard phases of life, and heck, there will be a lot more to come. If it’s not because of my past experiences, I would not be strong to go through this as I did this time around. Life will always try to get you left and right, but always remember it’s you who has the ultimate control of your life (yea, yea, I know it’s God) but it’s you who control how you feel and how you react to these kind of situations.

While living a realistic life, slide some optimism that life will turn out great and you will be just fine.

Almost Adulting

I started a book last week entitled ‘Almost Adulting’, a book by Arden Rose and I completed that book in two days. I was so happy I get to read again without feeling guilty of neglecting my work just to read. I find it really hard to commit to a book generally, let alone when I have responsibilities. This will not be a book review but I’ll tell you one thing; that book is SO GOOD. I recommend you reading it if you are just like me, in the midst of going into adulthood. Read, and tell me how you think of it.

Like she said in the book, adulting is doing things you hate. Like doing laundry. But despite you hating it, you still have to do it. It is the moment of truth when you realized you have to do shit on your own now. Clothes won't wash itself, and there are (or will be) bills you have to pay. Your parents need you more than you need them aka, they need your constant attention.

I went to a job interview earlier today only to realize that I am really going into another phase of life. And it is crazier to think that…..you, my avid reader have seen me go through all of this. From school, to university, and now… onto career life? Okay to be realistic, I have not secured this job yet but what I’m saying is that I am going into that now. I have given up studying not because I don’t want to, but looking at life right this moment, working would be the best option. That’s adulting for you, having to choose between two that will affect you life. You either turn right or left at this intersection which will lead you to a completely different path.

Adulting is also having to wake up early everyday because I am expected to (being a girl in this household, at least) or I will receive a death stare from my dad for waking up late and having to shake hands with a guy for professional reasons which definitely against your life principle. It all goes back to doing things you have never done before and it is a constant learning process. Adulting lets you see the world in a whole other perspective, could be scary and intimidating in one way, but interesting and fascinating in another.

  

To all almost-adults or full blown-adults, I know you are just like me, trying to figure life and planning out what's next. Constantly thinking ‘am I doing this right?’ in between ‘screw it!’ and ‘please let this be right’ while fingers-crossing. However you are living your almost-adult life, it is most importantly to know that you live just once,make the best out of it. Don’t regret anything and everything happens for a reason. Life is still worth living, nevertheless.