Call it what you want

The urge to write lengthy entries has stopped for a while now even though in my mind I always have something to say. I don't have the energy to spend time and write something that is appropriate for others to read when I know, my way of coping is by writing. I have been writing though, just not here. 

You can call this an update, or a goodbye because I think....I'm gonna stop writing here for now. Lately (or the past year or so) I always feel...exposed, for some reason. I know too well that me writing things here are for people to read anyways, but some part of me now are not Okay with that fact.

Plus I'm struggling with navigating life so I'm just...taking it day by day. Don't get me wrong, life isn't bad at all but I have also seen better days. If you are experiencing the same thing, these are the things I do to help, might work for you too. 

1) Keep a journal. I write, not daily though, but whenever I can & especially when my mind have too many running thoughts. I just dump everything in there. 

2) I write myself letters. Monthly. Well, this is much related to (1) but instead of writing it as & when I need, I also write to myself at the end of each month. It's more of a summary of that month, of what happened that month & how I felt. I just wanted to reflect & make sure future Tya knows she made it through. 

3) I read. I try to read a lot more. Mostly fiction though because reading really helped me escape whatever it is that I'm feeling & focus on the storyline instead. It has been great but I try not to be too dependent on fictional stories. Hahaha

4) Allowing myself to feel sad, frustrated, mad but just for a night or a day. To feel negative feelings is normal & human. Cry if you need to, even if you're a man and you have that stupid ego.

That's all. I hope you feel better soon, I know I will. 

Random, very random #4

 "I just wonder in 5 years when you look back, would you laugh at the memory of this, or would you regret wasting your time? It has been 2 years, Tya."

I don't think I was offended by what my best friend told me, but I caught myself pondering to that statement a few times, thinking, really thinking of how I will reflect back to this time, 5 years down the road. Will I find all of these silly, or will I regret?

It's the New Year, again

Hello and a very Happy New Year! I skipped the whole month of December for no reason at all when I actually had a lot of things to share. I keep wanting to write but procrastinate until I don't feel like sharing anymore...lol

It's the 6th of January, and I hope all of you had a very good start to the year & already though of what are the things you want to achieve in the year of 2022. That's important. My year began really great. I attended my best friend's wedding. She's the first among all of us to get married and I couldn't tell you how happy I am for her. She deserve all that happiness. 

I am still on leave, which is the second best thing of this week, haha 😆 I needed this break more than anything after working non stop even on weekends for the past 4 - 5 months. It was brutal and I was truly exhausted. I took this first week of January (& the last week of Dec 2021) to really take a break and unwind. Last week I went out, did some errands, met friends and this week I have been doing a lot of domestic stuff. I rearranged my room, did multiple loads of laundry. Wash > hang > fold & repeat. Honestly I do not know where all those clothes came from. 

I am a homebody at best. I like doing nothing when I'm not working or even during weekends. so I'm using this week to fully take the rest I needed. One thing about being on long leave is that, you'll get to a point where you're ready to work again and by next Monday, I'll be mentally ready to work and be productive. 

At the beginning of last year, I stated 5 things I wanted to achieve in 2021. Among all 5 things, I completed 3 of them. Which honestly, pretty damn good. The other 2 things I didn't do was 1) Travel abroad (COVID doesn't let me) and 2) I want to know how to cook which to be fair, I think I know how to cook if you put me on the spot, lol. Ok I'm just making excuses but I can cook basic stuff. If you ask me kuah masak lemak cili api then yeah, I'll pass.

So for this year, I also have a list of things I want to achieve but instead of 5, I only have 4 of which I decided not to share what those things are. I'm actually really excited for 2022 and really look forward to what the future has in store for me & everyone. I have another best friend's wedding coming up this year and that will definitely be one of the highlights. I'm optimistic as usual and I hope this year will be a golden year of all of you too :)