#TGIF My mother's love

My Mama and I

I know it’s cliche to say my mum is the person I look up to. How unoriginal. There’s no other way I could describe what she is to me because in every sense of the word, she is. As true as it can get.

I grow up remembering my mom as a workaholic woman who actually enjoys her job truly. She was a corporate lady up until her 50s, and an amazing one, too. She goes to work, honoring her 9-5 obligations and comes back to be a homemaker. She cooks everyday—which to this day I can’t fathom how she’s able to do it so effortlessly—, and as involved as she could be at all of our —my sisters and I—school events. She came to every parent-teacher meeting, taking time off work. It didn't matter if we excel or we didn't, she made sure to show up anyways. 

There was a time when I felt like I was a disappointment, but she not once made me feel like one. She sacrificed a big chunk of money to register me into a private University to pursue Medicine. It was a payment to an agent who managed my entrance exam and interview. I thought about her effort to give me this opportunity, because she believed in me. In the end I passed the exam, but failed the interview. It was about RM3,000 gone, wasted. It felt even worse because I knew, we were not financially privileged. She consoled me, like I was the one losing money, and supported me through any decisions I made after saying goodbye to med school for good.

Mama in her element, conducting training

Mama is the most confident, elegant, polished woman I know. She did not just teach us how to be confident, she showed us how it's done. She showed me how to dress well, appropriate to the occasion. How to speak well, with anyone, does not matter who, and to always carry kindness and empathy in us. Her advise to this day 'Bukan kena cantik rupa je, kena cantik perangai, cantik akal, cantik adab, cantik semuanya'. It's a reminder that life is not just for vanity's sake, there are other things that should take greater importance. The words I live by to the core of it, all my life.

Mama in her community, always ready to serve

Mama is also the most likeable person I know. My sisters and I were always in awe by this fact, she has community everywhere she goes. We moved houses couple of times, and she fits right in the community in no time at all. She build connections so easily and the people did not just welcome her, they always love having her around. Introducing Mama to friends often led to compliments of how warm and kind she is. All of our friends love her too. She made sure to know each of our friends, she remember names, listen to our stories so she knows who is who. She made everyone feels remembered, and seen.

Every part of my being, there are footprints of hers. My mom has always emphasized the importance of knowledge, and English is something she wants all her daughters to master since we were a child. She was the one who taught us how to converse in English, and kept reminding us the only way to be proficient, is to practice it daily. She speaks with us at home in bahasa rojak. She corrects our pronunciations and mistakes, even now. School teacher was not our first source of English education—she was. Well, her and Destiny’s Child music and Disney movies, of course.

She's a learner, through and through. She reminded us time and time again, whatever we want to do, do it with knowledge. 'Jangan main bulldoze je', is what she would say. I thank her for her earnestness to learn, because seeing her makes me love learning too. She started finding her way closer to Allah in her 40's, and since, my admiration towards her goes up a whole new level. Losing her mother—my grandmother—shifted something in her. She knows deen is something personal and everyone has their own journey, so she has never, not once push us to do something we are not yet ready to do. Now that I think about it, she spreads da'wah to us in the gentlest way.

Mama in her other element, teaching Quran

Now, in her late 50s, she proved her consistency and enormous dedication pays off. She befriended Quran in the most beautiful way and some days, she only spends time with Quran. She's my personal ustazah, teaching us sisters, her own sisters, strangers and friends alike the Quran. She teaches us tajwid and the right makhraj, she is my point of reference if I need any doa, she always have something to share. Sometimes I look at her and I thought, how is she this amazing? And how am I this lucky to be able to call her my mother? I worry I could never make her proud the way she has made me. She loves loudly, confidently, unwaveringly. Steady and sure, leaving marks of her love in every parts of my life. She embodies everything I want to be and the perfect role model I am grateful to have. In every facets of my life, she is the best person for me to look up to. As an employee, as a friend, as an individual, but most importantly as a Muslim with purpose.

Writer's note: I time this post specially for Mother's Day, which falls this Sunday. Happy Mother's Day to mothers out there, none of us will be here without you. May we, the children always remember to look back while we're walking this earth leaving our own marks in this world, to see our mother's footsteps are right behind us all along, ready to catch us when we fall. 

To my Mama, everything that I am and everything I will be, I owe it to you for shaping and loving me so beautifully. May Allah grant your life barakah, contentment, and a throne in the highest Jannah.